[narf poit chez BOOM]

Subject: I don't know who the next pope will be...
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 14 Apr 2005 08:44 AM

"I don't know who the next pope will be, but I know there is one particularly qualified and distinguished man who will not be selected.

Bishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in the Hague. As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the army during WWII. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, in 1943, his aircraft was shot down and he lost his left arm.

Still enscripted, Hans spent the remainder of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual advice and last rights to dying soldiers, allied and enemy. He was renowned for his ecumenical tenderness and compassion.

After the war, Grapje became a priest and served as a missionary throughout Africa. In spite of his handicap, he was noted for piloting his own bush plane into the deepest, most primitive villages to spread the church's message and charity to the impoverished.

In 1997, then Archbishop Grapje was serving at an outpost in Zimbabwe, when an explosion in one of the country's vast silver mines caused a catastrophic cave-in. The archbishop, in spite of his seniority, went down into several of the shafts to administer last rights to those who would never escape. He was in one of these shafts when it partially caved in, trapping him and several rescuers.

Although he was rescued three days later, he suffered several painful injuries, including one that cost him his right eye. Additionally, the silver content in the shaft's air supply had poisoned him, causing his skin to take an indigo hue - a condition known as purpura - that persists to this day.

Although the Cardinal has devoted, and indeed risked, his life in the service of God for nearly 70 years, as a scholar, a mentor, and the epitome of a holy man, church politics preclude his ascension to the Papacy.

Church leaders have made it clear they don't want a one-eyed, one armed, flying, purple, Papal leader."

*Wonders how many people will get it*

Subject: The Pun Reference Library Continued
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 14 Apr 2005 08:39 AM
The Pun Reference Library Continued

Some Like it Sweet: Sugar Kane
Fred Can Philosophize!: Immanuel Kant
Oh What A Relief It Is: Al Kaseltzer
My Life With Annette: Amos Kateer
New Mexico Tour Book: Albie Kerky
I Was A Son Of A Buccaneer: Rich Kidd
The Palace Roof has a Hole: Lee King
Lawn Care: Ray King
Exercise on Wheels: Cy Kling
I Hate the Sun: Gladys Knight
Teach Me!: I. Wanda Know
Who Killed Cock Robin?: Howard I. Know
Better Mental Health: Cy Kosis
Breaking the Law: Kermit A. Krime
Jewish Holidays: Hannah Kuhh
If I Invited Him...: Woody Kum
NHL Hockey: Stanley Kupp
Those Funny Dogs: Joe Kur
I Like Weeding Gardens: Manuel Labour
How to Overcome Stress: R.E. Lachs
Care For A Chop?: Marsha Larts
Fallen Underwear: Lucy Lastic
Military Rule: Marshall Law
Cut the Grass!: Moses Lawn
Manana: Stew Layt
To be Honest: Frank Lee
The Lady Pirate: Peg Legg
Pain in My Body: Otis Leghurts
The Phillipine Post Office: Imelda Letter
Pentagon Press Release: Colonel O'Truth and Lotta Lies
Theft Among Arthropods: The Lieutenants
Not a Guitar!: Amanda Lin
Holmes Does It Again: Scott Linyard
Bring to the Grocer's: R. List
Classic Groceries: Chopin Liszt
Joys of Cowardice: Lily Livard
The Effects of Alcohol: Sir Osis of Liver
Employment Handbook: Ernie Living
How to Break In: Jimmy De Lock

Subject: Exercise for seniors
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 13 Apr 2005 09:19 AM
Exercise for seniors

Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to
build musclestrength in the arms and shoulders. It seems
so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my younger
friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have
plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms
straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long
as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for
just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.

Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to
where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand
and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in
each of the sacks; but be careful.