Several points:
(1) The Icaran Navy uniforms remind me of the British Army circa 1880 (at least as depicted in the two "Zulu" movies).
(2) Icaran losses to long-range fire from enemy weapons platforms: I was impressed by the extra range of planet-based weapons in the stock game until I saw them in action against ships with full defense modifiers (ECM, stealth and scattering armor, ship and fleet training, plus cultural modifiers and additional ship experience). Unless the enemy had the Talisman (not obvious from the story) I wouldn't have expected the platforms to be effective at much more than the max range of the ship-based weapons.
(3) Enemy ships firing first: As mentioned in the "Unknown Critic" thread, in the story it can be awkward to follow the game exactly, e.g. with regard to the game's sequential move/fire mechanics. For example, a sequential game battle can be described as a simultaneous exchange of fire, which saves the author from concocting dubious reasons why one fleet is in range and the other is not, when both mount similar weapons.
(4) Letters: Presumably the Icaran term "letters" refers to something like "full sensory 3D holovision programs" or such, but to us in the 21st Century the term conjures archaic images of paper-based text (Paper? What's that?). It might be better to translate the Icaran term into something that sounds more high-tech to Starhawk's primitive audience.
(5) I like the Andermanians even less than the Icarans. I hope they get what's coming to them! Grrrrr!