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Old May 10th, 2005, 07:06 AM
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El_Phil El_Phil is offline
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Default Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)

Thus proving you can't make all of the people happy all of the time. The line spacing will probably stay and I think *** to separate sections works. So onto the comments:

Rooted, it's a bit of both really, nice bit of slang which also replaces the swearing the cheif would be doing.

The ships lost several decks, loads of engines and large amounts of extra damage. There's going to be huge amounts of data.

Yeah I wasn't ecstatic with some of the dialogue, especially Delap''s bit. I had a point to make but couldn't make it flow smoothly. Time really is a bit tight so I can't spend as long as I like writing and re-drafting. Bits are sometimes called close enough.

'manoeuvring' is perfect English. You colonials really need to remember how to spell

This section was written and then the line spacing added, so quite a few grammar bits probably sneaked in there.

Well thanks for the comments, but don't aim to high with the grammar. I'm not taking this anywhere near that seriously and the only other writing I do is technical reports. Easy rules there: Past tense and never mention 'I' or thinking. You always know or expect. Plus no-one is that bothered by grammar as everyone is equally bad at it.
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