[narf poit chez BOOM]

I'm qouting.

Subject: FINAL EXAM HYMN
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 17 May 2005 06:47 PM
Originally Posted: 17 May 2005 06:46 PM
*FINAL EXAM HYMN*
(sung to The Battle Hymn Of The Republic)


Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term.
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm.
It's infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ.
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold.
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told.
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold.
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

They are adding all my points up
And I haven't earned but few,
In fact, I haven't even gotten
More than one or two.
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do.
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

On the lines of every gradebook
There is solemn news for me.
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea.
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee.
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class.
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas!
But I won't be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass;
The truth was finally shown.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known!

Subject: Ain't it the truth.....
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 17 May 2005 06:21 PM
Originally Posted: 17 May 2005 06:20 PM
Ain't it the truth.....

If you consider that there have been an average
of 160,000 troops in the Iraqi theater during the
last 22 months, that gives a firearm death ratio
of 60 per 100,000.

The firearm death ratio in DC is 80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are more likely to be shot
and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has
some of the strictest gun control laws in the
nation, than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion:
We should immediately pull out of ...
WASHINGTON, DC!

For cat people.

Subject: PC: Personal Cat Specifications
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 17 May 2005 05:35 PM
Originally Posted: 17 May 2005 05:34 PM
PC: Personal Cat Specifications

Standard input:
1. Bilateral frontal whisker array
2. Bilateral adjustable audio dishes (range 20-20,000Hz)
3. Stereoscopic scanning device, with night vision
4. Velcro(tm) flavor sampling device/energy collector
5. Twin front-mounted odor sampling devices

Standard output:
1. Internally mounted purrbox
2. Single speaker with separate growl mode
3. Rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device

Processor:
1. Parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory
2. Autonomic control of system software

Included Hardware:
1. Calcium-based skeletal structure
2. Byte-to-bit conversion array
3. Retractable document shredder/hole punch
4. Pawpad printer
5. Mouse (standard catnip)
Also included: natural fiber protective covering in various colors

System Software:
Your PC will come preloaded with one of the following:
* DOS (domestic shorthair)
* OS (other shorthair)
* MS (megasoft, installed in units with fuzzy covering)
- Conversion to EUNUCHS can be done by a simple operation. This is
recommended to prevent the proliferation of cheap PC clones.
- Bundled software may include the following: Mortal Kombat, Acrobat,
Explorer, and Stuffit Expander.
- Your PC will automatically convert from laptop to desktop as needed.
- There are no user-serviceable parts inside.

Operating Your PC
- To start up your PC, push the power button (on any electric can opener).
- Your PC has an energy-saving mode known as Sleep. Your PC will -
Sleep automatically if unused for a short period of time, or you may
invoke the Sleep mode by placing your PC in a soft, warm area.
- To wake your PC From Sleep, press the power button as in Start,
shake the mouse, or tap any of the PC's input devices (see specs).

To perform a Warm Boot:
Remove your shoe, then tap the PC gently with your toes.

To perform a Cold Boot:
Same technique as for Warm Boot, but leave your shoe on.

To Reboot:
Repeat the Warm Boot.

Cleaning your PC:
Use only mild soap and water, no solvents. Surface wash only.
Total immersion is not recommended. If partial immersion is
necessary, wear proper hand and face protection and make sure your PC
is fully dry when finished.

Compatibility and Networking:
Your PC is designed to independently assess compatibility with other
PCs. Running EUNUCHS will generally give your PC greater
compatibility with other PCs. It may be necessary to install a
firewall between incompatible PCs as each may attempt to breach the
other's security systems. Compatible PCs may share thermal energy and
cleaning tasks and may network for gaming purposes. Please note that
your PC will be incompatible with units of type BIRD and FISH, unless
appropriate security measures (such as a firewall) are installed.
Your PC may tolerate one or more DOG units provided they occupy a
subordinate position within the hierarchical structure.

Power Requirements:
- Alternating supply of canned cat food and dry cat food.
- Direct supply of water.
- Direct access to solar and thermal energy sources.

Troubleshooting:
-PC has difficulty exiting: Perform a Warm Boot.
- PC shares files from dinner/table/plates without permission: Boot
your PC prior to running food-related software.
- PC hangs up phone during connection to ISP: Try invoking sleep mode
Prior to connecting to ISP; otherwise, perform a Warm Boot.
- PC is frozen: PC is probably scanning for small life forms; reboot
until it responds.
- Deleted material not going to trash or recycling bin: reprogram
preferences in PC sys/litter_box/deposit/target.aim