No problem. I'm a bit weird.
You are all right that the baby should have the highest priority. There is no debating that and no one did. But let’s not forget that not all people live the way you and I live.
Yes, there might be pillows that prevent the rolling and suffocation. But not everyone has access to them. The medical standards of the US are not met by most of the world.
Yes, there are monitors. “Real” monitors – not baby phones- are expensive and will not be covered by insurances if no hint for a higher risk for SIDS is diagnosed (talking for Germany, of course). Baby phones make you feel save but you aren’t. If a baby suffocates, it doesn’t cry any more. It has no breath for it [Hence the “first” rule for a paramedic: The one who can cry is treated last, he has enough breath. The ones not crying any more are the severe patients.]. I had my share of SIDS as a paramedic and the parents were sleeping right next to the child.
Yes, I wouldn’t let my child be alone for any length of time. However, we all do not know when the baby died. It could have been 2 minutes after the last person left it or 2 minutes before they returned. Before calling for punishment we should convince ourselves if they could have done anything about it. Just because they were not there did not necessarily killed the baby. That’s my main point.
Leslie, I admire your resolution to sleep in shifts and have a constant watch over your child. But I stand to my point that not very many parents can do this, neither physically nor economically.