On #1 nice as it is to explain stuff, unless its relavent to the story (or will be in future chapters) then it just strikes as filler. Anything in the story must be linked to whatever tale your trying to tell, or its hard to get involved. Impressive as the thinking and depth behind it may be, the details of a fictional justice system would just seem filler. Unless a certain Admiral is up for a court martial, for instance
#2 Seen worse, much worse. Urrgh the flashbacks in fact. So go for it, but like #1 don't make it gratutiously bloody for the sake of it.
#3 If your consistent then it doesn't matter. Keep the story moving and no-ones going to stop and think about the exact details of the tech. Unless you put in awfull pseudo science or deliberately draw their attention to it.
#4 Really don't go there, unless you have some very clever and very important point of plot. It is just asking for trouble. Unless the religion is part of the story then don't mention it.
If it is then do you need the details? Losing your religion, or finding it, being blinded by dogma, a search for redemption. The list goes on of storys involving religion/spirituality that
don't need details.
As to the style, I would say that it's still too game based. The last chapter the security guy wanted large ish cap ships, but he admited they wouldn't be fighting ships. So why call them battleships? Oh yes the in game hull size (xxx kT) may be right but just calling them
battleships would reduce their chances of being made as it would annoy the millitary.
Such problems aside its better, if a little light on regular characters. Ohh various heads of fleet and El Kingisisimo hang around, but expendable bridge officers and ministers come and go between chapters. Thus when a random officer you only just got introduced to a chapter back snuffs it.. Meh really. When the dozens of SDs go up (as they seem to in most fights
) it would have more of an impact if one of the captains, or anyone on board for that matter, we'd knew and known for a few chapters.