[narf poit chez BOOM]

Some more from the baen forum:

Subject: The Twelve Bugs of Christmas - Unix
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 18 Dec 2005 08:35 PM
Originally Posted: 18 Dec 2005 09:47 PM
The Twelve Bugs of Christmas
For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the seventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eighth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the ninth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the tenth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eleventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump...
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

Subject: How To Wrap A Cat . . .
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 18 Dec 2005 03:45 PM
Originally Posted: 18 Dec 2005 04:57 PM
How To Wrap A Cat . . .


1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
labels, etc. . .

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
sticky tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
from cat with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right
size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked
room.

30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper
and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and
relock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
cat from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
area of the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last
year as well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.

Subject: The life raft
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 16 Dec 2005 10:00 PM
Originally Posted: 16 Dec 2005 11:11 PM
I was 17, and had mentioned to my father that I was thinking of
buying a rubber boat for use as a scuba platform.

My father managed to get me one from the F.A.A. where he worked.
(Don't ask, I never did).
What he brought me was one of those Air Force survival rafts that
they issue to bomber crews with up to 10 men. I couldn't wait to test
it, so I called Jason, and told him to come on over.

I took the back seat out of my VW bug, and laid the seat back down.
This makes a VW bug kind of like a hatch back without the hatch.
Jason got over to my place, just as our girlfriends showed up. They
had come over to see if we wanted to go swimming. I crammed the
raft, and both girls in the back of the VW (it was really tight), and
Jason in the passenger seat up front, and took off.

I got onto IH35 in Oklahoma City to head for one of the area lakes.
The windows were down and the hot August wind was roaring through the
car like a minor hurricane. My girlfriend started complaining about
the wind, and a little red tag that kept getting tangled in her hair.
I told her not to mess with the tag, but she got mad and gave it a
good hard yank, intending to throw it out the window.

Can you guess what that little red tag was for? Yepp, that darned
raft started to inflate right there in the VW! It takes about 15
seconds for one of those things to inflate, and for the first 5
seconds or so I was frozen with something of a mixture fear,
amazement, and a sense of "this really can't be happening!'' In the
6th second the raft started pushing my head down against the steering
wheel hard enough that I couldn't really see where I was going, and
started pushing the windows that weren't down out of their frames,
and onto the road. By the time I got my wits back, the raft was fully
inflated. I managed to push my head up enough to see where I was
going, and hopefully avoid creaming anyone else on the road.

By this time the real chaos had started. The girls were screaming
their fool heads off, Jason was laughing like an idiot, and the
Oklahoma Highway Patrolman that had been following me when all this
started had turned on his siren.

I finally got the car to the center median, and stopped. I got hold
of the door handle to open the door and pulled. The door shot open,
and the raft exploded out of the car pushing me ahead of it. When I
got to my feet, the first thing I saw was the OHP cop laughing so
hard he had tears running down his cheeks, and having a hard time
breathing.

I managed to get the deflate mechanism activated and the raft
started to deflate. By this time the cop was breathing again and
somewhat coherent.

He came over and told me that was the funniest thing he had ever
seen. I asked if I was going to get a ticket. He said no, he just
wanted to make sure no one got hurt. We folded the raft as best we
could and
went back to my place.

The real fun was trying to convince my insurance company that all
that glass damage really was because a life raft had inflated inside
the car. They did payoff, but only after the insurance adjuster had
talked to the OHP cop.

Groaner Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to
be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so
no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve Santa Claus
landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, "Snort
sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer.

Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one
it was. It happened again, only louder this time. "Snort sniff
honk honk snort!"

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. "Shhh!" Santa hissed.
"Please be quiet!"

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when
he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF
HONK HONK SNORT!" Lights came on all over the neighborhood and
some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.

Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove
quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer
and announced, "We are not going to deliver another present until
the reindeer who is making funny noises with his nose steps
forward and apologizes!"

None of the reindeer stepped forward.

Santa held up a piece of paper. "I know who it is and I have
written your name on this paper. But I want to give you a chance
to do the right thing on your own."

Still none of the reindeer came forward. So Santa did the only
thing he could do. Read off the rude-nosed reindeer...