Seems to me that the problem might be you're outnumbered 11 to 1... Somewhat fewer ai might give you closer to the sort of game you're looking for.
The only other thing that would help is hard to achieve, and that's changing your mindset. *Accept* the fact that the best defense in Dom2 is a good offence, and look for ways to take provinces cheaply - and then take more of them than your opponents can.
Or... turn some friends onto the game, and play multiplayer
