[RamsHead]

Announcer: From the summit of Mount Hiron, this is Fen News.

Ningelsala: Greetings, I am Ningelsala...

Chuck: ...and I am Chuck.

N: And this is Fen News. Our first story for tonight is on the Pantocrator or lack there of. Where has He gone? Will He return? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know. One thing is for certain though, other powerful being are already rising up to replace our beloved Pantocrator. Many nations have claimed these beings as their god and have started expanding into independently owned territories trying to bring the word of the true god to barbarians. In fact, the nation whose capital we are overlooking right now, C’tis, has been expanding fervently. In a speech given earlier this year Dingir, the appointed prophet of C’tis, had this to say: "With the loss of the Supreme Being, independents will be lost themselves. Small groups with dastardly plans will rise up to the occasion and take control of the independents. These barbarian groups will then run amok, each with their own agenda. Inaction on our part will result in the destabilization of our great kingdom and the eventual collapse of all civilization. We must bring order, peace, and the word of Sissassuss to these unfortunate people, but peace can not be achieved without the loss of blood. Just know that we are preemptively fighting the barbarians on their lands, so we do not have to fight them on ours." While very few C’tissians have actually seen Sissassuss, it is believed that he is a formidable mage.

C: In related news, the C’tissian government has recently received some altering. Sissassuss has eliminated the positions of three hundred officials of the formerly five hundred seat Swamp Council and has renamed it the C’tis Council. Several protests erupted when the word of this broke. Originally, eliminating seats was something that only the Pantocrator had the power to do. Dingir later released a statement saying that Sissassuss was going to be the Pantocrator, and that eliminating those seats was essential to fighting the barbarians, as things could get done faster with fewer seats. Some C’tissians are still angry though, because it appears that a majority of the lost seats were those held by the Isolation Party, who prefers minimal intervention in domestic and foreign affairs, the Regression Party, who prefers to return to the time before C’tis had a central government, and the Stoner Party, who, well, frankly, no one is quite sure what they stood for; they were always in a haze and hungry for snacks. In any case, of the two hundred remaining seats, most of them are held by the Proactive Party, who believes that the government must take action for anything to get done.

N: For our final story for today, just this month, a magic item was located in a province and taken to a nearby lab. Initial reports say that it is a Rod of the Phoenix, a powerful wand that can incinerate enemies from the inside out! Dingir has said that this was a magnificent find, and it will be put to use against the independents immediately. Several groups have questioned whether using such a weapon against people protecting their homeland is ethical. Dingir has refused to comment. Well, that's it for this year. Thank you for watching.

Announcer: This has been Fen News, mixing facts with opinions.