[Fingers]

Should be able to do #1 by using the "noinit" flag in the STAR and then the INIT command to initialize that star later. The noinit causes that particular STAR block not to be initialized in the beginning of the game so the fleet won't be created. Then when you use the INIT command it'll find a random star that can be used for a quest, then set up whatever the STAR block says.

I have not tested this with stars that are on the map. It may break if there are no stars that are unexplored and without fleets. Moving alien fleets with hyperdrives or folding are also untested.

I don't think there's a way to do #2.

#3 is just the way the game works, sorry... The planet window is just not set up to do branching, that's why the DISP exist.