[Revolution]

Theory is for the weak...one year ago today I decided to do some investigative reporting regarding the Caelian need for supplies.


Frustrated by my Dominons 3 Caelian unit's constant and seemingly insatiable need for food I decided I would get to the bottom of their bottomless hunger (Clearly no easy feat). The first step was to become like the Caelians. I toiled away in my basement to construct wings of my own. Using the winged harness utilized by the Dominons 3 Icarid as a visual guide I set about fashioning a stylish yet utilitarian method through which I would ideally be able to ascend to the coldest mountain peaks. After 4 days of somewhat hard work I gave up and just ordered Icarid wings off of the internet. 2-3 weeks later they arrived and I was flying high.


With the first part of my plan complete all that was left was to go eat...to prove that even with the ability of flight and the possession of wings I would require no more supply than normal. I took to the sky and was headed to the local supermarket when out of the corner of my eye I saw a field and a pair of cows. For some reason I had to go to them, I was...compelled. I cruised to the ground at lightning speed; my mouth watering as I gazed at the two cows. My mind was going a mile a minute; confusion over what I was doing or intended to do gave way to an insurgence of hunger that I had never felt before. The ground rushed up at me, I could see the whites of Harry's eyes (Harry was the bigger cow...I did not bother naming the other more slender cow; he was insignificant. All that mattered was that Harry was fat slow and delicious). I hit the ground next to Harry - a misjudged killing blow due to my lack of flying experience. The thunderous beating of my wings startled the cows and they both ran away, mooing in terror. Most fortunately for me though, Harry tripped over a rock and died a swift merciful death.


I made a small campfire a began roasting a section of Harry's left flank. The meat had been cooking for less than a minute before, overcome with hunger I wolfed it down. I turned my gaze back on the downed cow, hungry for more. What happened next is a fuzzy haze of red and brown; it was as if my consciousness left my body. When I woke up I found myself lying on my back staring up at the sun.

I tried to sit up but found myself unable...something was lying on my stomach. One look at the offending organ proved that my initial conclusion was wrong...I was in fact pregnant and the baby was kicking. I rolled over onto my side was able to push myself up, my stomach swinging wildly too and fro. Upon standing a disturbing sight was brought to my eyes...the body of the noble cow Harry was gone, replaced by a cow skeleton picked clean by what I could only assume was a roving pack of hyenas...and then it hit me. I had eaten Harry...all of him...and judging by the sun it had taken me just under an hour. I was hungry again, allready. I turned away to find the other cow and tripped over the same rock that had felled Harry. The sky rolled up before my eyes as the ground rolled up to meet me. Bits of wood and feathers flew up around me as my flying harness cracked under my weight. My hunger disappeared. Later that day I burned those accursed wings and later that week I paid for liposuction.


So now, I ask that instead of cursing and questioning the Caelian need for constant feeding I suggest that you instead feel pity for the noble bird people. Their hunger brings great pain and suffering, they pay a higher price for their wings that I was willing to. With bellies so full it's a wonder they can fight at all.