Thanks for the RL info, everyone. Perhaps my problem was starting with the Nethack variant Slash 'Em, which is likely the most complicated of the lot. I will check out the 7day ones and Crawl. I appreciate the info.
As to DF being Sims with Dwarves...well...I would actually have purchased a Sims game if it included goblin invasions you had to fight off. IMO, if you get rid of the nonsensical dwarven justice, and if noble requests were LOGICAL (like no request for glass in an area with no sand) it would be pretty much perfect. The website says the dev wants to make seiges, and army stuff in general, more cool, and that's just gravy.
