[Gregstrom]

Transcript of conversation overheard between High Voice Thunbu and Mjibu, commander of the Northern Expeditionary Force.

Thunbu: I gather that before going up against a tribe of Amazons, warrior women known both for their high standard of martial training and for their habit of cutting off various sensitive parts of any male prisoners, you requested emergency supplies of... apples. I would love to hear your explanation.

Mjibu: Well, High Voice, it was as a result of scouting data I received.

T: Your scouts were hungry, perhaps?

M: They provided me with intelligence leading me to believe that the apples could be a useful part of our battle plan.

T: This must be some new meaning for the word 'intelligence', then. Possibly one involving the phrase 'UTTER STUPIDITY'! You had better explain this very carefully.

M (looking nervous): Well... yes, Lord. Upon reporting to me, the scouts mentioned that the Amazon cavalry's horses were looking pretty grim - all skin and bone, in fact. It occurred to me that they must be pretty hungry, and that any charge by them might be diverted if we could arrange for sufficient... distraction. It's well known that horses love apples, and I thought it was worth a try. My plan was to throw apples at the feet of the horses in mid-charge, in the hope of throwing their formation into disorder.

T: It sounds to me rather as if they skipped Amazons in the Warleader training school. I hope for the sake of your troops you arranged a test of your theory.

M: Err, yes Lord. Poor Shuhema... he snuck over to the animal enclosure in the night to carry out a test. He lost a hand, and I had to retire him from active duty.

T: So as ideas go, it was a terrible failure then.

M: Not entirely, Lord. While the apples were useless, I felt sure the basics of the plan were still worthwhile. When it came to the battle, we used raw steak instead.

T: (laughs) Good thinking, Mjibu. I trust you saw to Shuhema's future, though? He taught you a valuable lesson, and that should be rewarded.

M: Well, Lord, as he's still a young man I thought I'd set up something for his future. I gave him some land and arranged for him to assist in the administration of the province for a few years, to give him some sort of a living.

T: And after that?

M: I also took the liberty of leaving him some surplus supplies. After he leaves his work for the governor, he should have grown a mature orchard - and I imagine mountain-grown apples should sell for enough to give him a good living.

...

Transcript ends.