[Gregstrom]

Meanwhile, outside the world of tentacles...

This month a mob of Bandar mafiosi crossed the borders of sovereign Machakan territory, intent on pillage. They promptly kneecapped a crew of spear-waving villagers and announced they were in control of the entire province. It is believed that they were members of an elite squad called the Cosy Nostrils, whose motto is "sticks and stones may break your bones, so why use words?"

The next morning, all senior Machakan officials remaining in the province found spider's heads on the pillow beside them. In some cases it took a lot of searching - we would advise the Bandars to use the heads of giant spiders in future.