[Tolkien]

Erika the Red, Goddess of Helheim, hereby declares a holy crusade against the foul woodland beasts of Pangaea. The necrophilic halfmen believe that their flimsy vine constructs and hordes of scantily unclad females pose a threat to our glamourous Helhirdings of glamour, and unjustly declared war on our peaceloving nation. Therefore I request that all nations respectfully stay out of our war; unless they wish to scavenge off the soon-to-be-Carrioned Woods of Pangaea.


On an unrelated note, the great nation of Helheim also is auctioning off two, you heard me, TWO dwarven hammers! These rare and precious artifacts are selling like Seraphs on "discounted wish" day, and as a result, there is a strict limit of one per caller. All forms of currency is acceptable, whether in magic items, magic gems, blood slaves, and gold. The Svartalfs are unwilling to make anymore for export, and as a result, these fine and valuable beauties are going to the highest bidder. Send your messangers now and make your offers. Value is determined as such:
magic items>magic gems (of which death and earth are valued the least)>blood slave>gold (approximately 50 gold is worth one gem). Hurry, supplies are limited. CALL NOW!