[Atrocities]

*****HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN*****
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET NO. EZ36C-24-36
"WOMAN" A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas, concentrations noted in and around malls.

Physical properties:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. bitter if used incorrectly
5. Exists naturally in various states: ranges from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure at correct points
Chemical properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. may explode spontaneously with no warning and for no reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly after saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common uses:
1. Highly ornamental, particularly in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Tests:
1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink in their natural state
2. Turns green when placed besides a better specimen

Potential hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations provided specimens do not come into direct contact with one another

****WARNING*************WARNING*************WARNIN G****
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE