[dogscoff]

We can promote you to "Vice President in Charge of Life Recreational Sciences - Narcotics and 'Play' Aids Division". The pay is reasonable but the perks are excellent. The job does carry a board seat (but no voting control), the corporate battlecruiser comes as standard (as does the nitro-kit and heavy weaponry). The pension scheme is non-contributary.

Acceptable, if we can merge the "Narcotics and 'Play' Aids" Division with the "Persuasion and behaviour modification facilities" division (I'm sure there are overlaps already) and put me in charge. See my comments later about the Junior Execs.

This is a tough one. Standard company terms are 1 minutes notice before terminating, executing, exsanguinating, decapitating, incinerating, defenestrating and/or disintegrating and/ or banishment to the bottom of the ocean, the depths of space, any desert or polar ice cap, Swindon, any parallel universe(s), alternate religious / ethereal plane(s) of existence and/or any other dimension or dimensions whatsoever. Sequestration can have a 3 month notice period which I am happy to give you. I shall also give you 3 months' notice of having your happy sacks waxed or being required to undergo rectal examinations or being banished to Portsmouth. Acceptable?

I'm willing to risk termination, execution, exsanguination, decapitation, incineration, defenestration and/or disintegration and/ or banishment to Portsmouth, the bottom of the ocean, the depths of space, any desert or polar ice cap, any parallel universe(s), alternate religious / ethereal plane(s) of existence and/or any other dimension or dimensions whatsoever, having my happy sacks waxed and/ or being required to undergo rectal examinations, as long as you can *promise* me I won't have to go to Swindon. Ever.

Fine on the office (mine is much bigger), the parking spot is also not a problem (just ask the T-Rex to move) and a pair of FBW trained as you describe are standard for middle management.

*Middle* management? I won't settle for less than *Senior* management. See my comments on the next paragraph.

Apologies, but only I am addressed as "Your excellency" or "Your magnificance" by junior execs, you will have to be addressed as 'my lord" or "effendi".

Could it at least be arranged that lesser employees must cower in fear and soil themselves in the presence of Senior Management? Having Dermott stood behind me used to have that effect, but it appears that's no longer viable. Perhaps some kind of company- wide behaviour programming scheme could be put into place. This could be one of my first projects once I'm the head of the merged " Life Recreational and Persuasional Sciences - Narcotics, Behaviour Modification and 'Play' Aids Division".

Dermot I am afraid is a no go, I have already developed plans to use him to make a quick windfall in supplying the calamari and chips market in Greece

Very well, but I will require an allowance to pay an awe- inspiring personal bodyguard of some kind - one who is completely independent of the company, especially given the lack of flexibility in the termination clause.
Maybe I'll put up a few adverts in the Bifrost Lodge, you get some pretty impressive Valkyries hanging out there, and they have perks of their own...