[Trajan]

Trajan -- ever mindful of Mrs. Trajan's "Rules" immediately produces the following:

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Date:
Time of departure:
Time of return NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units)
Beer:
Wine:
Liquor:
Total:

Locations to be visited
Location: From: To:
Location: From: To:
Location: From: To:

Females with whom conversation
is permitted:________________________________________ __________________________________________________

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the troUsers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you to a Michael Bolton concert, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:__________________


Request is: APPROVED______________ DENIED______________

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date:___________
Time of departure:__________
Time of return:__________

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:_________________________________

Realizing that he has NOT had his permission slip fillied out in advance, Trajan hobbles (due to having been recently slammed in the "jewels" by a sledgehammer) to the bar for a pain soothing Scotch.