[tesco samoa]

ALmost forgot... Mine involves an ax

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Nothing can convince you that the chase sequence in Bullitt isn't the greatest love scene ever committed to film.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
The stars say this is a good week for romance, but lately you've been getting the feeling they're not talking about you.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
You will come very close to acting heroically when you push an old lady out of the way of a hurtling bus and underneath a cement truck.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
Don't take next week's failures too hard: No one could have foreseen the sudden appearance of so many ax-wielding monkeys.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Your neighbors are progressive enough to accept a May/December romance, but don't expect them to like your May/at-least-a-year-from-October fling.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Certain shortcomings in your education and upbringing cause you to read meaning into the relationships among various celestial bodies.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
You'll soon meet someone who helps you forget all about that previous bad relationship by forcing you to focus on putting out constant fires.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will be bemused and bewildered to discover that you are mentioned in the creation myths of three-fourths of the world's cultures.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Just when your life seems to be a never-ending series of miseries, disappointments, and small disasters, it will surprise you by abruptly ending.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Now that you've achieved exactly half of your life's goals, it's time to start thinking about eating a second whole turkey.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
You will suffer humiliation and loss of reputation when your culinary experiments in Korean/Latin fusion blow an entire city block sky-high.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Your troubles will be over before you know it, but most witnesses will agree that you probably didn't feel a thing.