[David E. Gervais]

..while dogscoff is hovering over the limp body of Raging Deadstar with a dented cast iron frying pan in his hand, I walk up behind him holding two massive gongs (one in each hand).. I swing my arms togeather and the gongs come crashing hard on either side of dogscoff's head..

Dogscoff's eyes cross as his whole body vibrates in tune with the resounding Gonnnnnnnng! that fills the cantina. Before Dogscoff can recover, a huge hulking brute grabes him by the ankle and turns his world upside down. (the hulking brute's name is 'Toupe',he is my new Body-Guard) and wouldn't you know it, all of my oversized XXXL Hawaiian shirts fit him like a 't'

I ask Toupe if Dogscoff is heavy he says "Nah, he's mostly hot air!" to prove the point, he starts starts to flex his arm and the result has Dogscoff's head bouncing off the floor in a steady beat. "See Boss, as light as a feather."

Dogscoff makes a vain attempt to wriggle free.. "Hey, Toupe! Can you show me what you meant when you said that you know how to use pressure points to inflict pain?".. "Sure, Boss.." Toupe proceeds to show me all the different 'sinsitive' pressure points and each time, Dogscoff's eyes bulge out in extreme agony, followed by the most horrific scream.

"Toupe, when I hired you, you mentionned on your resume that you were really good at tearing people appart limb from limb, can you give me a demonstration?".. "No problem, Boss.."

With apparent ease Toupe rips off Dogscoff's left arm.. Dogscoff screams, and then grits his teeth and says.. "ha! it's just a scratch!".. Then goes the right arm.. Dogscoff again shows remarkable stamina.. "It's just a flesh wound!".. Toupe next rips off the right leg.. Dogscoff manages a weak grin,.. "I wasn't using that leg anyway!"..Toupe, removes the left leg with little or no effort. "Look Boss, If we tossed him in watter we could call him 'Bob'!".. With a quick twist and a loud pop Dogscoff's head is removed from what is left of his body. "I guess he ran out of things to say eh? Boss!" Toupe tosses dogscoff's head into the fireplace along with the rest of his 'parts'

"That was very impressive Toupe, You deserve a raise! Here, let me buy you a drink. What's your pleasure?" Topue leans over and whispers in my ear.. "I'd like a shirly temple with two olives please!" After seeing the display of Toupe's prowess I held my tongue and ordered his drink!

Well, I wonder if this 'act' fulfills the terms of the will? Ah well time will tell!

I hold up my glass and make a toast.. "Gt, The honor was mine to serve. Cheers!"

[ March 13, 2003, 13:08: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]