[Growltigga]

Some bad jokes so you lot dont forget me when I am sitting in the tropics, sunning myself by the pool, surrounded by tanned bikini clad beauties watching the nice little chong-sam'd number bringing me a rather alcoholic looking drink with an umbrella in it

Here goes and apologies if any of these offend:

"Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Man with a strawberry stuck up his bottom goes to the doctor. The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Answer phone message "....If you want to buy some weed, press the hash key...."

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls@@@ before

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said, "the steaks are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" Last week .... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five ahem, todgers." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your troUsers fit?" "Like a glove."

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and go to bed.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together afterwards, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,
"How was it for you?"
The man says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

I thank yew, I thank yew

[ August 23, 2002, 10:23: Message edited by: Growltigga ]