[shunwick]

This is the Voice of Pythium

The petty reign of Capitalist Warmonger Regic and his bloodthirsty cabal of Bloodhenge Druids is over. The unrepentant 54 year old, known for luring young virgins into slavery and then sacrificing them before the altar of his obscene god, has been a thorn in the side of the Pythium Leadership for far too long. The uneasy truce was almost certainly due to the Leadership’s belief that the strength of the cabal was beyond their means to overcome. But we can report that Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod this month sent military forces into the hated province so as to free the people of that outrageous tyranny.

The liberation forces sent into Bright Woods were commanded by none other than former jailbird and previously-owned donkey salesperson Comrade God Lucinus IV. Aided by Comrade Paghat and the Special Forces of Comrade General Deathstink, the battle for control of the province was a hard fought affair.

Special commendation was given to Comrade Teacher Ooo Daman and his hand-picked bunch of Comrade Outreach Workers who were only present at the battle as a work experience activity and were not expected to play an active part. Nevertheless, as hoards of imps threatened to overwhelm the Special Forces, Comrade Teacher Ooo Daman threw his units into battle with devastating effect. Before long, even the overgrown Vine Weevils of the Druid Cabal were reeling from the onslaught. The warrior spirit shown by the Comrade Outreach Workers will be the stuff of legends in years to come.

The Special Forces Group will now return to the capital where a banquet is being prepared in their honour. There are rumours that they are being refitted to take on the hostile province of Old Man Mountains. the base of operations of renegade Golem Mage Antatus. It is known that Antatus commands an army of living statues and is also believed to have gargoyles under his command. I am sure the Democratic and Peace-Loving Peoples of Pythium wish every success to our outstanding forces.

It has come as something of a surprise to the leadership that the cave province of Banded Hills has changed ownership from the Kingdom of Caelum to the Empire of Mictlan. The Realms of Caelum and Mictlan are currently at war and the capture of Banded Hills would seem to be a response to the war not going particularly well for Mictlan in this part of the world. Nevertheless, the Leadership has deemed the situation serious enough to put Comrade General Quinquatrus and his third army on notice. A Central Committee spokesman said, “It is unthinkable that Mictlan would add another enemy to it’s growing list. But even a small army such as this can be cause for concern.”

The Comrade Tomb Raiders have apparently moved to the province of Runia. The Antiquities Directorate confirmed yesterday that another artefact of great power was recently discovered in an ancient tomb in the province. Fortunately, the tomb was unprotected and there was no repeat of the excitement that Ene Umrul suffered twice in succession.

Finally, it has emerged that Comrade General Deathstink has taken steps to change his name by deed poll. “I have never liked the name Deathstink,” he told one of our reporters, “but, you know - parents – what can you do?” In future, the 196 year-old breathing-challenged Comrade General would like to be known as Eric.

The Peoples of Pythium await further news.