[revenant2]

Originally Posted by shunwick

This is the Voice of Pythium

A sense of confusion is sweeping through the Democratic People’s Republic of Pythium.

News has filtered through of an immense victory for the Special Projects Group in the newly acquired province of Old Man Mountains against the renegade Golem Mage Antatus and his army of stone thingies and flying stone thingies. Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod devised and personally supervised the high-risk operation in conjunction with Comrade General Eric and his special troops.

Despite the overwhelming victory, however, there are rumours that not everything is right with the Pythium Leadership and Comrade General Eric seemed to criticise the use of his Special Projects Group as a suicide diversion technique. It is understood that the special troops performed well above expectations against such difficult opponents but they were forced to fight to the last ... er ... man. The total loss of such an important legion as the Special Projects Group, even in circumstances as difficult and as ultimately successful as this, has shaken the Leadership and has led several Central Committee members to question the soundness of the General Secretary’s plan.

It is not the first time that Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod has found himself under severe pressure for the control of the Leadership. Both Comrade Paghat and former jailbird and previously-owned donkey salesperson Comrade God Lucinus IV were present at the battle of Old Man Mountains but refused to comment on the outcome of the battle. In light of the momentous victory, such silence can only be seen as ominous.

Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod only added to the confusion with an impromptu speech on the OMM battlefields.

“For many months the Democratic and Peace-Loving People’s Republic of Pythium has been under constant attack from magics emanating from outside. Commanders throughout the length and breadth of the republic have been attacked and killed in the most cowardly way I can think of,” he said. “This is why I am wearing this specially made hat of thin metallic foil. It is to protect me from the deadly mind rays of our enemies. It is obvious to me now that those death rays are coming from the Evil Empire of Arcoscephale. After our victorious victory here, where we have been victorious, on this victorious battlefield we shall rise up victoriously and smite the Arcoscephalean Empire victoriously. This is a Declaration of War you rotten scoundrel.”

It was at this point that a Comrade Attendant appeared to whisper in the ear of the Comrade General Secretary.

Undeterred he continued, “We may not have troops in the vicinity or, indeed, any commanders to lead the troops we do not have but we shall have our revenge on the Evil Arcoscephalean filth. It may take a while but our victorious armies on heading your way in a few months if we can recruit some new commanders and probably troops as well. And you can’t get me because I am wearing my hat. So there. Ner, ner, na ner ner!”

Comrade Paghat and Comrade General Eric were seen later conferring over the document that was being waved by Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod during his speech. “Oh sh... bother,” said Comrade Paghat. Comrade General Eric later confirmed that it was a fully legal Declaration of War against Arcoscephale.

So the Democratic and Peace-Loving People’s Republic of Pythium finds itself at war once again.

“Comrade General Secretary Vsevolod is resting comfortably,” said his Comrade Nurse.

Sale of hats made from thin metallic sheets are said to be doing a roaring trade in the streets of Pythium.

The Peoples of Pythium await further news.

Look here, Serpent-man -- or whatever it is you ungodly communists worship these days. You can't declare war on us because we already declared war on for assisting our hated enemy, Mictlan, with a cowardly and vicious attack against my homeland.

How could you let Mictlan use your lands to attack us? Have you seen what those savages do to their own territory. Our cows live better than they do.

We were going to make the declaration public knowledge, but all of our scribes have been too busy writing the last wills of our senators and we have yet to discover the secret of the printing press, but it was coming.

Know this: The power of my people is mighty and we have many sorcerers and elephants that will crush you and Mictlan's heads like a pair of rotten, ugly tomatoes. Admittedly, we had some tactical concerns about fielding elephants against your people since they are nearly indistinguishable from your womenfolk, but then we discovered that our elephants aren't quite as hairy and have shorter tusks.