SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>OK, I'll show up to work and spread my sickness to the whole company!
ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
>My replacement will catch my disease, and will die two weeks after me, so he will immediately have to train another replacement for him!
RESTROOM USE:
>No problem. I'll keep a jar in my cubicle so I won't have to leave.