Jokes and Riddles Centre

[narf poit chez BOOM]

are you sure that Last one won't be in japanese? from what i've heard, there really efficient about logging.


heh. kinda like some of the ways they determine just how bad something is for you 'ok, now hold the dogs head while i spray six months worth of hairspray in his eyes' or so i've heard.

[ September 11, 2003, 19:58: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
are you sure that Last one won't be in japanese? from what i've heard, there really efficient about logging.

They are very pure wood efficient on logging; they use thinner saw blades so that less of the wood becomes sawdust. In the US, much of the sawdust is captured and used for particle board and other things, so US logging companies are more concerned with the durability of their equipment as they still get use out of most of the 'wasted' wood. Many of those in Japan want pure wood for religious reasons, and the logging companies cater to that; they use thin, more readily breakable blades to reduce the amount of sawdust (of which they can sell very litte). Efficiency is always in reference to something specific, and that something must be previously understood by all parties in order for there to be a consensus on what is the most efficient. It is common for a single item to have vastly different efficiencies when viewed from different perspectives.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

well, that doesn't sound so effecient.

[Wardad]

but they do Elvis more efficently then anyone.

[Wardad]

Have you ever stopped to read instruction labels on products?
Here are some things you can find on instruction labels.

ON A HAIR DRYER
Do not use while sleeping

ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Dierecions: use like regular soap

ON A FROZEN DINNER
serving suggestion: defrost

ON A HOTEL_PROVIDED SHOWER CAP
fits one head

ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESSERT
Do not turn upside down (Printed on the bottom of the box)

ON MARKS&SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
Product will be hot after heating

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
do not iron clothes on body

ON BOOT"S CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
do not drive cars or operate machinery

ON NYTOL (a brand of sleeping tablet)
Warning: may cause drowsiness

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
Warning: keep out of children

ON A STRING OF CHINESE_MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
for indoor or outdoor use only

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use

ON SAINSBURY"S PEANUTS
Warning: contains nuts

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Tesco's got a dessert?

i can see the hair dryer one. somebody probably left it on pointing at them then went to sleep.

[Wardad]

This is for all those people who keep complaining about "proper language".

How To Rite Good

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

[Suicide Junkie]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
400, only missed 2 the first time. then i quit, cause i've got other things to do. but it does get challenging around 400. it's just boring to get there.

I only got to 335 or so before I accidentally clicked a browser button and reset the page

[Loser]

I'm up to 1124, and I can walk away from the computer and come back ans swap them.

Is there a way to lose this game?

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Understatement is always best

isn't that an overstatement? or perhaps an oversimplification?

23: Oversimplification is bad.
24: Always, always, always avoid overstatement.