Jokes and Riddles Centre

[tesco samoa]

http://www.norvig.com/Gettysburg/index.htm

Yep Powerpoint presentation.... Those who are lucky to work with people who present these stupid things will have a laugh

[Loser]

Originally posted by Wardad:
What did happen to the bloke that had to be removed?

Bad trips are a serious issue. Considering how well everyone else was doing off what I'm assuming was the same batch, this guy probably just got twitchy on account of some baggage he brought in with him. It takes some pretty messed up chemistry for LSD to put someone in a bad way on account of its makeup, and if that happened it would have happened to everyone that took it.

But with any powerful hallucinogen the user needs to be aware of their subconscious. Things the user may not think are a problem, things the user thinks they are over, or things the user "really doesn't care about" might much more than they seem, churning beneath the surface.

Insecurity is the big bad'um, and that looks like the one that got that guy, judging by his face. Unfortunately, an user of a potent hallucinogen who is overwhelmed by his or her insecurity will not be helped by well meaning comfort-givers, or codling, or tending, as these tend to feed the 'needy' part of the user and bring out the discomfort all the more.

The appropriate solution is to tell the user that they are being given something that will help (typically "This will bring you down."), and give them something that will make them feel different. Since they are still under the effects of the hallucinogen, the difference in perception from a number of substances may be interpreted as "I am getting better." by the user's addled mind. In fact coffee, tea, milk, or even hot water can be used for this, as long as the user believes they are being given something that will help.

If a number of people are using a powerful hallucinogen together their moods tend to progress together, so it is also important to separate the user having a 'bad trip' from the other Users, as they are only a thought away from having a bad time themselves.

So don't use acid, it's bad for you.

[Parasite]

Snippit from the Lego Astrobot website while on the way to Mars...

"So, we are in a near-vacuum. That sucks?"

http://www.redrovergoestomars.org/astrobots/d17.html

[narf poit chez BOOM]

that's weird. L's post says jan 7, but i'm pretty sure it was there before today.

[ January 07, 2004, 21:41: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Loser]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
that's weird. L's post says jan 7, but i'm pretty sure it was there before today.

Now you're trippin', rodent.

[Wardad]

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

Didn't I see you get your *** kicked on "COPS" Last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Aren't you one of the Village People?

[Wardad]

Very, Very Punny


1. Two vultures board an airplane, each, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion is allowed per passenger."


2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit?

They called it the herd shot 'round the world.


3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.


5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.


7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that:

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


10. And finally... there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[David E. Gervais]

Wardad,..

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Been there done that, I'm just glad the Kayak was in the back yard when it happened.

Cheers!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

well, those were loaded.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

hm...potential...
http://altdelusions.keenspace.com/d/20030203.html