Forum Chat Bar & Grill

[Raging Deadstar]

RD quickly forwards Strategia's threats to the local news groups

Franchise Spin Off Threatens Bar of Relaxed Veteran Patrons!!
The Won-Ton hut has been reported to threaten the longer, more respected, Phong's Head Bar and Grill in an unprovoked statement, truly showing the colours of Capitalist forces that conspire to amalgamate both the Residences. The Violent young members of the Won-Ton hut have already made several attempts upon the Bar and Grill in recent months, CEO Growltigga was unavailable for comment, but rest assured his response would be defiant, awe-inspiring and overly British...

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Strategia rushes to another news agency.

IMMINENT ERUPTION OF WARFARE EXPECTED!

In a recent comment, Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima of the Consolidated Forces of the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut has verified the rumors of a second Bar War that would erupt soon. The Hut, initially opened as a competitor for the monopoly of the Forum Chat Bar & Grill, has been entwined in an open state of war with the Bar & Grill earlier, when the entire Northern Hemisphere was blown to kingdom come.

This war was not a war of aggression for the fledgling Hut, it was a war of defense. Set up as a fully acceptable capitalistic competitor for the B&G monopoly, the latter had sent gruesome threats to the Hut - one case was documented which apparently involved a game manual for Master of Orion III - and had openly attacked the establishment.

The Hut responded with dreadful force, mustering heavy orbital forces in response to the B&G's initial superiority on the ground. This action has caused many deaths, and it is still open for debate whether or not it was actually a B&G official who sent a fake message that ordered the obliteration of the Northern Hemisphere, or that the Hut did a last chance strike at the enemy, comparable to a US-Soviet nuclear war.

Recently, however, more forces have arrived in orbit, all bearing the logo of the Hut. When asked for comment, one of the Hut joint chiefs confirmed that they were preparing for war.

"The Hut cannot tolerate this stain on our planet any longer. The outright atrocities commited by the B&G in BWI - the Drench War, as you might recall - are too despicable to be left alone. I mean, bringing MOO3 into this..... We must get revenge for the despicable acts commited to the Hut. The last war ended in an apparent stalemate, the Armistice was signed when a victor had yet to truly emerge, though the B&G was quickly gaining strength in the last days of the Great War. We cannot let their growth go on uncontrolled. We must take back what was once ours. We will succeed!"

And in entirely unrelated news, the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut has recently opened new venues in the Fifth Temporal Dimension and the Ninth Spacial Dimension.

[Raging Deadstar]

Phong's Head Bar and Grill Staff Member condemns Unprovoked Aggression by rivals

Following Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima's message to the Press Phong's Head Bar and Grill bar tender Raging Deadstar decided to set the record straight in an exclusive Interview.

"As a Bartender my job is a simple one. I aim to keep my patrons and customers happy, not forgetting my superiors. The Phong's head Bar and Grill has always been a place for the wearied galactic emperors to come and rest their loins and relax with a brewski. These upstanding overstressed members of the Galactic community who visit here are peerless and relaxed within our venue."

"Needless to say when The Wonton Hut started up, my superiors felt threatened, as any business would. Our Negotiations started with offers for a mutual agreement between the two, alliances beneficial to both!"

"In recent months it has become clear that this is not what the Won Ton Hut desires. They resorted to violence, their war-machine forcing the Bar and Grill side into ever escalating conflict, leading to the destruction of half a planet and a loss of life unseen in this sector. A ceasefire was called and we respected such a pact. The Bar and Grill patrons more than happy to relax in peace and cartoon violence. The Hut has responded with an unparalleled military build up!"

"Make No Mistake, The Hut speaks of Revenge and settling the score, but amalgamation is their goal. Nothing Short of Subjugation and Domination will sate the Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima's Bloodlust. They claim that this planet is theirs, these insurgents. They respond with fire when we extend the olive Branch! We have given them appeasement when war was still a viable option, the Phong's Head Bar and Grill deciding the conflict to deadly to allow to spread. The Won-Ton Hut's tactics have been far too similar to the unheeded expansion of a German state in the early 1940's. We have given peace a chance and wish for co-existence with the Hut. But if it comes to War I can Guarantee you that the loyal patrons of the Phong's Head will rather Fight Standing than Serve on our Knee's!"

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Space, we shall fight on the planets and cantinas, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the vacuum, we shall defend our Home away from Home, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the Patio's, we shall fight on the polished oak bars, we shall fight in the beer cellars and by the entrance to the FBW changing rooms, we shall fight wherever the Hut may take us; we shall never surrender!"

[Renegade 13]

Settling in on the roof of the cantina, protected by a null-technology field, Renegade lines his sniper rifle up on the street in front of the Bar and Grill, awaiting those who would dare to attack its patrons...

[mac5732]

The old one sits at his table surrounded by very small, hairy, smelly, stained, deizens of various societies and depths. He begins instructing them into gorilla warfare type insurgencies. He also dusts off the "O" word that has been hidden secretly for all these years, he gently puts it into a small box similiar to a small brewski keg which is marked in bright red, only to be opened and mailed when under extreme distress.....

he talks with the various varmits,,, sigh, apparently the warmongering, violent prone extremists at the Won Ton apparantly do not look for peace. They shall rue the day before their existance is blown into the winds after the B&G members attend a Chilli cookoff between Puke and Tesco

[Suicide Junkie]

Well, frankly, when it comes to the whole fighting and death thing, I believe in a Do-It-Yourself philosophy.

Have you tried this Poison flavored ice cream? Its quite good.

[Raging Deadstar]

Suicide Junkie said:
Well, frankly, when it comes to the whole fighting and death thing, I believe in a Do-It-Yourself philosophy.

Have you tried this Poison flavored ice cream? Its quite good.

Hey Propaganda is the best tool in warfare

Dons his Minister of Mis-Information Uniform.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

False accusations by B&G proved! Hut warfare was defensive!

In a recent interview, Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima of the Hut Forces has released information regarding the previous state of war between the two restaurants in this forum.

"Those B&G bastards claim we're akin to the Third Reich. Well, let it be known to the general public that this is NOT the case! We are NOT violent, bloodthirsty aggressors - most of us, in any case - we are merely putting the famous quote from Sun Tzu into practice - Attack is the best Defense. The Great War of some time ago was a war of defense for the Hut. We were attacked, and forced in the defensive. To prevent any further occurences like this from happening, we are now planning a campaign to paralyze the B&G offensive forces forever. We will NOT eradicate it completely, nor demand control of it - like the B&G CEO, Drooltigga or whatever, did - we will merely make sure they will not be capable of aggression versus the Hut any more. We want peaceful coexistence of the two restaurants, and unlike the B&G, we mean it. And to those who do not believe my claim of B&G aggression, here is an eyewitness account of the first hostilities between the B&G and the Hut:"

The owner and patrons of the Won Ton are enjoying their cosmic cuisine and comic banter when the faux-Chinese muzak being played over the loudspeakers is rudely interrupted.

“Hey. Hey! What are you doing here?” a disembodied voice crackles over the loudspeaker. “This is a private studio! You must leav… AUUUGH! [THUNK]”

A pregnant silence permeates from the speakers for a few seconds. Suddenly, another song bursts forth from the ceiling. A strangely familiar one.

Right on cue, General Woundwort and Raging Deadstar step through the door, followed by a mass of pinstripe-suited goombahs, torpedoes, and goodfellas, many of them carrying oddly-shaped violin cases. A phalanx of Furio clones follows Woundwort and RD as they walk up to the main counter.

“Greetings, Mr. Huxtable. We are the duly designated representatives of Growltigger Enterprises, the sole owner and titleholder of entertainment establishments on these forums. You have opened a restaurant on Mr. Growltigger’s turf, without prior authorization or contractual agreement. We doubt very much that he will be pleased with this. Therefore, we are here to offer you… an arrangement.”

Woundwort pauses to light a Padron Anniversario cigar, then continues. “You are cordially invited (with full guarantee of amnesty and safe passage, of course) to come to the Forum Chat Bar and Grill, and negotiate a franchise agreement with Mr. Deadstar and myself. If, when Mr. Growltigger returns, we can offer him proof of your good intentions (and a generous cut of the profits), he may be less inclined to cut off your head, set fire to your body, and feed the charred remains to the Pak’ma’ra. I can guarantee you that you’ll find Deadstar and I much easier to deal with than the Boss.”

Woundwort places a data crystal on the counter, which upon later examination is found to contain rather graphic footage of Growltigger’s ‘hostile takeover’ of a prior competitor (rated ‘T’ for Teen).

“Hopefully that will convince you. Consider our offer well, and don’t take too much time in doing so. If the Great Kat comes back and finds you still doing unauthorized business on his turf… the personal consequences would be most… unfortunate.”

“Good day to you. We expect to see you soon.”

Woundwort and RD tip the rims of their fedoras in Rudy’s direction, and depart the Take Out Hut. The hordes of capos follow them out. The Sopranos theme song fades away, and the original disc jockey’s voice is heard again (somewhat less chipper, and in obvious need of some ibuprofen)…

“We now… groan…return you to our regularly scheduled muzak…”

"This example was only the first in a rather long line of threats and attacks on the new-found Hut. We did not attack the B&G, we were forced to defend ourselves with all we had for our very lives. Now, we will take revenge. We will strike back. We will take back what was once ours."

The B&G CEO, Mr. Growltigga, was not available for comments.

[Puke]

after absorbing a metric ton of pistachio nuts, the engorged mass of vomit waddles over to the Mac's table and takes a glass of Duvel from a passing FBW.

After a brief and hushed conversation with the Mac, Puke scribbles down a wholesale order to extremefood.com and hands it to a nearby mongoose to be fulfilled.

After seeing this place (and the containing universes) destroyed at least three times, hell escaped from, and new universes created by the power of the patrons' will, Puke isnt to worried about any johnny-come-lately invaders.

[NullAshton]

You might want to write your wills now, otherwise it'll be too late.