Forum Chat Bar & Grill

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The door swings open, as a double legion of Salagulls and Seamanders storm in, their Master right behind them. Standing and hovering impatiently, they look around the Cantina for a tactical assesment.

As they spot Elvis Turambar, they get into a kill frenzy and before Strategia can yell "Attaaaaaaack!!!!!" they're already storming the table, Elvis Turambar disappearing in a flurry of feathers and salamander's feet. When they return to formation, all that is left is a couple of gaps in the floorboard, some glitter and a hideous wig.

[El_Phil]

"Charge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Assyrian GeesKat charioteers use the distraction of the seagull/salamander legions to attack the Byzantine hordes. With explosive tipped arrows flying and serrated swords hacking the battle seems finely balanced.

Then the Assyrian air support, spider monkeys carrying naplam riding gryphons bursts through one of the windows and attacks the Byzantinan left flank, seeking out the badgers, with their well known fear of prehensile tails.

[Raging Deadstar]

RD looks on from the bar as he reads a Preacher Comic, the resulting hostilities of this war has made approaching the bar quite hazardous.

Smiling he quickly grabs the gold statue of Taz and pins up a chalkboard in it's outstretched claws. RD quickly begins writing down the Odds for battle.

"Who Will Win this battle? The Byzantine Hoardes of Growltigga the Great? The Gherkin Ottoman Legions of the Vomitious One? Or the newly arrived Armies of Assyrian Geeskat of the dastardly Moustache Twirling El_Phil? Or even the Incumbent Forces of Strategia? Place your bets!"

RD relaxes once again, feet on bar, waiting to line the Cantina's Coffers with more income. A lone flying seamander is batted towards the bar, the glowing polished bar seemingly untouched by the war (like Growltigga would allow the bar to be damaged? All that European and English High Quality Stock!) It's flight path is short lived as RD unholsters his Colt Python and splatters it inches away from the bar stools upholstery. Under the roars of battle he mutters...

"No such thing as 'Overkill', Only 'Just Enough Kill.'"

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Enraged by the death of their comrade, half of the Seamander forces charge the bar, as RD keeps popping them with his Colt.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Salagull and Seamander legions remain waiting at the edge of the battlefield, biding their time, waiting for an opportunity to charge in and take out both sides in one push, claiming victory within seconds.....

[NullAshton]

The horde of food-processor armed robots await outside the B&G, waiting for the battlefield to die down first...

[David E. Gervais]

Barkeep! I'll have an extra tall glass of Amonkriean Ale please. Oh, and an extra extra long anti grav straw so that I can drink it with as little effort as possible. The pixels in my head are throbing.

The barkeep delivers the drink and I take a nice refreshing first sip,.. aaaaah that's good. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes to relax. Within a few moments I'm fast asleep with the anti grav straw hanging out of the corner of my mouth.

Cheers!

While sleeping I ponder what kinds of answers I'd get to a question like "How loud do I snore?"...

[TurinTurambar]

"...and if you caaan't find a partner
find a woo-den chair LET'S ROCK!
ev'rybody LET'S ROCK!
ev'rybody in the old cell block,
was [GHUURK!! ]

A salagull flies smack into the butt of the microphone, slamming it halfway down Turin/Elvis's throat. The dreadful crooning stops and the E.W.E. (Evil Wig of Elvis) is knocked from his head, breaking the momentary spell. Simultaneously, Turin is knocked from the table through a front window, breaking the momentary glass.

Good thing too. The attack by the vicious vermin happens so fast that they don't even realize their prey is no longer present. Being mostly mindless beasts, tortured and twisted into Strategia's warped sense of reality, they lay into each other and everything around them instead. Finally, nothing remains in the vacinity but a table leg, a half-devoured wing and the E.W.E. (which nothing would eat.)

Turin is laying in a daze in the parking lot; Barry stomps over and licks his cheek to wake him...

[Growltigger]

Recovering from Dogscoff's sneaky attack with a frying pan, Growltigga turns to the plucky Bournemouth loafer (who is currently sniggering at his successful but witless assault on the Great Kat) and tweaks both Dogscoff's nipples VERY VERY HARD INDEED. Dogscoff yelps and bends double, just in time to meet Growltigga's knee coming up the other way CRUNCH!!!! as the Scoffo reels, Growltigga puts a bucket on Dogscoff's head and whacks in with a big hammer CLAANNNGGG Dogscoff starts wobbling all over the floor, just as Growltigga does a famour Cap'n Kirk double leg flying kick POWEEEE and catapults Dogscoff into the vanguard of the Assyrian Geeskat horde, throwing them into disarray and mayhem......

Right, turning to the battle at hand. Growltigga raises the Battleaxe of Mayhem, turns to his trumpeters (warthogs with very big horns) and order a fanfare. "Cry havoc chaps, we are foully assorted, let slip the rodents of war..."..

The beleaguered front rank of the Byzantine horde form a shield wall, the second and third rank archers fire volleys into the Assyrian Geeskats as the artillery, silent till now, sprays the Geeskat horde with a flaming blast of Greek fire, large bolts and for some reason, bottles of Old Spice.... Second and Thirds legions CHARRRGGGGGGEEEEEEEE

Led by the axe wielding loony kat, the Byzantine horde smash into the decimated front rank of Geeskats, spraying gore and severed heads everywhere.... they cut through the front lines and assault the reseve. Luckily Fearghal slams his tentacles into the Geeskat right wing and flattens it, with a way forward, Growltigga turns to his first reserve line and Shouts "MAKE HASTE WARRIORS, CUT YOUR WAY TO THAT REPORBATE EL PHIL, WE MUST MAKE HASTE AS THE BADGER BRIGADE IS BUT 5 SECONDS AWAY"....

A rumbling sound is heard, the war carts of the feared badger brigade smash throuw the Geeskat lines, utterly confounding their assault beneath a hail of chittering pyschotic viscious badgers... the Geeskats are no match for the badger assault and turn to flee.......

Growltigga, ordering his trumpeters to drown out the sounds of Elvis Turambar still singing, orders one of his catapults to lop a dead Geeskat chariot at Elvis, it flies through the air, smashes on the end of the table Turambar is standing on, and hurls hiim out of the cantina through the ceiling....

YES, ELVIS HAS NOW LEFT THE BUILDING shouts the Kat as he hacks his way through the last of the Geeskats and faces the dastardly El Phil.

RIGHT YOU LITTLE SMELLY TOERAG. YOUR ARMY IS BEATEN. BEND OVER FOR YOUR PORTION OF RED HOT POKER HAND CANNON.....

In the interests of decency, the rest of this post has been censored to protect the innocent, but suffice it to say El Phil will not be sitting down for a few weeks, and will need his underpants to be left in the freezer before he can put them on!

[El_Phil]

Growltigger wakes up from his daydream to see his Byzatine hordes falling back as his badgers flee in terror from El Phil's Gryphon carried spider monkeys. With one of his flanks gone the remaining armoured moongeese are surrounded and crushed. A single word escpaes from the lips of the formerly-but-not-any-more Greak Kat

"F*cksocks"

[TurinTurambar]

Doh! Simultaneous posting wreaks havoc with the timeline!

Turin

(So am I out in the carpark with Barry or is my head wedged in the rafters of the cantina?)

Weeeeeeee!