Forum Chat Bar & Grill

[Puke]

Growltigger said:
and tweaks both Dogscoff's nipples

Doesn't El Scoffing Pooch have about six of those?

[Puke]

Puke looks to the right: The Byzantine hordes have just smashed the Geeskats, and El Phil is cornered. Puke makes ready to order his Gherkin batallions in to take advantage of the opportunity (nothing like a spicy gherkin up your open rear). But puke waits to survey the rest of the field...

Puke looks to the left: The Byzantine horde lies in dissarray as airborne spidermonkeys harrass them from above and Geeskats lock them in a fierce melee. Puke consideres ordering the Gherkins to charge in and descriminate against the spidermonkey hordes. Some things are beneath the contempt of even a zombie-pickle. Still, puke waits to survey the rest of the field...

Puke looks down the center: A gargantuan sea-beast dances a happy jig to music only it can hear. The edges of a continuity paradox ripple on either side. A football lays neglected in the middle of the room.

Puke tosses a few mineral credits to the barkeep, who marks down the wager on behalf of the Gherkins. "FORWARD!" commands the great blob of vomit, lord of brine-soaked-things-that-should-not-think-on-their-own.

The Pig's Foot cavalry leads the way, punting the socc...football down the center of the playfield, splitting the middle of the continuity paradox! The ball ricochets off the skull of El Phil, knocking him off balance and sending him crashing to the floor - earning him a temporary reprieve from the Red-Hot-Poker cannon.

The Still on an odd-angle trajectory off of El Phil's head, the ball bounces out of that plot line into the left side of the battle, where several Gherkins have vaulted off of their swizzlesticks to deliver a sound and simultanious flying scissor kick to the ball. It whaps into the side of a gryphin, and in an explosion of feathers its spider-monkey cargo is sent cascading about the battlefield to be trampled underfoot by other rampaging combattants.

An ambitious Geeskat momentarily takes controll of the ball, but a Jalepeno suited gherkin leaps herically into the maw of the beast. choaking on the pepper-coated regergitated pickle, the poor Geeskat is caught in its side by a Mongoose, who wastes no time in disembowling it. The Pig's foot cavalry circles round to make contest for the play, and easily they weave un-noticed between the ankles of the larger mongeese and geeskats.

A pair of pigs feet pass the ball between each other, gracefully keeping it away from the warriors on either side of the continuity paradox. They kick the ball back to their Gherkin commrades, but Fearghal, the 200-foot radioactive armoured battlesquid, has swept away a large swath of the bepeppered pickles, and is happily munching on them. The ball careens towards Strategia's Seamander/Salagull horde.

But all attention is on the game, now. The victorious Byzantine Mongees from the Right Hand Continuity charge after the ball. The victorious Geeskats and their surviving spidermonkey brothers from the Left Hand Continuithy charge after the ball. From the center, a horde of galloping pigs feet are ridden by swizzlestick wielding gherkins, and are pursued by a hungry battlesquid whom has just developed a taste for them.

All these terrible forces converge on the ball, which is now sitting in the middle of Strategan's army. "Oh [censored]," he thinks to himself, "So much for waiting on the sidelines".

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

[i]Strategia gathers up his remaining Seamander and Salagull forces and orders them to fall back and regroup. More warrioirs are coming down in transport pods as the legions get back in formation.

Eventually, when the forces have recuperated and are back to full strength, Strategia orders them into the breach again. Under heavy fire from Greek fire cannons and Assyrian GeesKat charioteers, they nevertheless charge on. Soon, the front lines of the rapidly moving GeesKat charioteers are broken, the chariots scattered, surrounded by fierce hordes of Salagulls, while the Seamanders fly overhead and make hit-and-run dive bombing swoops on the Greek fire cannons.

The GeesKats fall back, leaving the pretty scattered Salagull front line open to attack by the powerful Byzantine Mongeese armies. The fighting is fierce, as casualties rise faster than RD can keep track of. The Salagull ground-pounders are nearly driven into retreat, when the Seamanders swoop on the Mongeese in the rear of the front lines. Having destroyed over half of GT's artillery, they are now pretty much free to attack the weaker behind of the front lines, quickly scattering the Mongeese into a semi-panicked disarray.

Then, however, both of the Salagull flanks are suddenly under fierce attack by hordes of badger cavalry. The unprepared flanks quickly burst, allowing the badgers to scatter the once-mighty Salagull forces, the Seamanders powerless against them for fear of striking their ground-pounding comrades.....

[AgentZero]

Agent Zero strolls into the Bar, as per usual tripping over the step and banging his head on the 'Mind The Step' sign. After gruesomely disposing of the cartoon birdies swirling around his head, he looks across the Bar to where his ice cold pint of Guiness awaits. And between AZ and his pint are the legions of battling mutant critters.

"Sigh. Why is the place always packed whenever I want a quiet pint?"

Not bothering to wait for an answer to his question, Agent Zero whips out the twin swords he shamelessly ripped off of Bloodrayne, and hurls himself into the fray. 3 minutes and 14 seconds later he is at the Bar with his pint. GrowlTigga's, El Phil's and Strategia's former armies lie behind him, uniformly reduced to a quivering mass of intestines.

And so, children, the moral of this story is: Never get between an Irishman and his pint.

[NullAshton]

The food-processing robots quickly zoom in, clean up the mess, then zoom back out.

My work is done.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The Seamander forces that pursue NA on his way out catch up with him just as he is passing Barry, and leave him half-dead in front of the hungry T-Rex.....

Half a second later loud screaming can be heard from lightyears away.

[El_Phil]

Surveying the mass carnage across the cantina that used to be several arimes El Phil decidedes on the only sensible course of action in the face of such power. He swaps AZ's pint for some barely distilled piss, or American beer as it is known

[Puke]

A lone pig's foot kicks the neglected football, and it sails through the open door of the cantina.

As Barry leans over to devour the dazed Ashton, the ball lands sqarely in his open maw. *gulp*

"GOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!"

The food processors have mostly cleaned up the spilt intestines and re-dismembered piclkes from the floor. A FBW brings puke another spaten, and the barkeep cashes puke out on his wager.

In celebration, puke buys a round for the house, and one for each of the battlesquid's arms.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

New forces are arriving in transport pods from the orbital Hut, where Strategia's forces are based.

The new Salagull and Seamander forces are mainly armed with new flamethrowers and Bread Pudding cannons as opposed to their previous armaments -

nail files.

[NullAshton]

Ashton dusts himself off, and quickly gets back inside the B&G.

Someone needs to feed the valet.