Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours

[Fyron]

IM = Instant Messaging. eg: AIM, MSN, ICQ, etc. Your Version of IE doesn't matter.

mIRC isn't a large file, so it shouldn't take that long.

About the sig: Not all vampires are western vampires. I am not, and so am not subject to garlic.

[Raging Deadstar]

Fyron isn't scared of garlic???

*RD Leaves the cantina and re-enters with a cross covered in apples, garlic, lettuce and many other assorted fruit and veg. Pointing at Fyron he waits to see what happens*

I heard you have to decapitate vampires too, the whole stake through the heart thing is just the first step. Well decapitate or stuff a grenade down their throat, same effect

[Erax]

Sunlight... Give him some sunlight.

[Raging Deadstar]

OK!

*Pulls out an industrial sized (expect nothing less) floodlight and points it fyron Who is now hanging from the rafters of the cantina with a large cloak wrapped round him and overly sharp teeth*

[Erax]

That won't work... it has to be real sunlight.

[Timstone]

Timstone and RD are franticly trying to get the gearbox working again. Somehow the akward machine begins to sputter to live. As Timstone and RD take a seat on the infernal machine, the apparatus begins to shoot out the now familliar ray of energy. It almost hits the Taz, but he was quick enought to duck behind his bar, the ray of pure energy hits the back of Fyron who is thrown in the middle of the angry mod with pitchforks and torches. Then the ray hits a wall and tears open spacetime again. everybody in the area is thrown to the ground a couple of tens of meters further up in the cantina. Now Timstone has studied the working of his machine and the temporal science from RD, he now knows how to come into the desired timeframe without error and goo being launched from the hole the gearbox makes. Timstone and RD travel through the hole and the hole closes. The cantina returns to normal. Fyron who was first thrown away by the beam of energy from the timetraveling gearbox and then by the fracture of timespace, is getting to his feet again and sees himself surrounded by the angry mob again. He takes a deep sigh and begins slahing and severing limbs like a true vampire. The fight doesn't Last long, Fyron afterall, is a very old vampire who masters the art of unarmed combat almost without error. The mob leaves some nasty stains on the floor, walls and ceiling. Taz, as helpfull as always, give Fyron a bucket with hot water and a mob (no pun intended) and orders him to clean up the mess. Reluctantly Fyron begins to clean up the mess he helped to create.
In the meanwhile Timstone and RD are traveling to another time, a time of brave knights, damsels in distress, dragons, vile forces of evil taking over the world and omnipotent gods. Timstone gestures to RD that they are going to land on the grassy strip in front of that huge castle. Before touchdown RD pulls out his Conver-Your-Clothes-A-La Presto. RD and Timstone change their clothes to blend in with the masses. They conceal their vehicle in some bushes and head for the castle. Timstone doesn't have any sense of direction. Luckily RD has and together they walk (how oldfashion) to the biggest cathedral in town. When they arrive they quickly move to the front of the catherdal and see the bishop doing blessings and helping people praying. Timstone askes the bishop if he also does banishings. The bishop almost faints when he hears the story of a patrons going evil and that a possible vampire has taken control of our good moderator. The bishop doesn't immediately agrees to come with our hero's, but after a bit of persuasion and some money offered by the always helpfull RD (hey, bribing is one of his specialties), the holy man agrees to go with us. When the three men arrive at the bushes Timstone and RD have hidden their timetravelling vehicle the bishop begins to curse (what do you mean strange?!) and screams that our hero's should be arrested for working with the devil. Such machinery should not be! Timstone and RD realise that technology isn't very popular here. Suddenly an army jumps out of the bushes and seize the surprised cantina saviours (nifty name, heh?). Timstone and Rd quickly run to the gearbox. Timstone starts the engine and RD mans the turret and starts bLasting away with the tiny tactical nukes with with the turret is loaded. "Woops, wrong button!" RD shouts and is just in time to scream to Timstone: "Didi mau, didi mau, djepner, djepner!". When the first shockwave has thrown the wondrous machine and it's passengers a couple of hundreds meters away, Timstone finaly gets the engine to work and with a stutter and bang Timstone and RD fly off to another timeframe. When they enter the hole which is punctured in spacetime, they decide to go to a time where there were real wichhunters. Of to fictional Eastern-Europe of the early 19th century! When they exit the hole in spacetime and arrive in the 19th century, they see a small town with a huge fire. "This looks like a BBQ to me RD.". "Guess again genius, get your fire extinguisher, this is no BBQ, this is a burning carwreck, dumbass.". They savely land on a grassy strip near a beautyful mansion. The soon-to-be cantina saviours make their way to the huge fire they spotted from the sky and see a bunch of people standing beside a tall figure. When the pay more attention they can hear a soft crying comming from within the fire. Suddenly a bell rings in Timstone's head and he quickly readies his fire extinguisher and runs to the fire. "It's wich burning!" he shouts to RD. RD quickly follows his travelcompanion and both they put out the already burning wood. The people around the fire look very surprised, begin to scream and run away in terror. Everyone fled, everybody but the tall figure. He shouts to Timstone and RD some strange words and holds out a cross. Timstone and RD smile and begin to laugh loudly. RD switches on his universal translator (That's why I always keep this handy dandy UT with me.) and explains that they aren't disciples of the Devil or some other evil deity. While RD explain their plan to the wichhunter Timstone looks to the girl on the pole of wood in the middle of the smoldering stack of firewood. She reminds him of someone, yes, he remembers. She looks exactly like his girlfriend. "Whoa, I have to set her free." He frees the terrified girl attached to the pole. There is something in the eyes of the girl, she calm now. She thanks Timstone in a language wich is vaguely known to Timstone, Polish. She suddenly kisses Timstone. Timstone melts (not really of course) and decides to take her with him. Timstone and his new girlfriend walk over to the wichhunter and RD. RD has explained the wjole situation to the wichhunter. When Timstone tells RD of his plan to take the girl with him, the wichhunter looks very angry and refuses to travel in the same compartment with the suspacted wich. "Damn translator!" Timstone says angry and switches off the translator of RD. Timstone and RD decide to shrink the girl to miniature size and taking her with him in the pocket of his shirt. That way they're all happy. RD switches on his translator and explains to the wichhunter that the girl isn't going with them, she will stay here. Timstone takes the girl with him to a quiet place and explains she will be shrunk to the size of a really tiny pebble (Monty Python: what floats on water?). That way she can travel with the ingenius engineer annex inventor to the beloved cantina and experience the wonder of clone fighting, drinking brewski with a Tazmanian Devil (don't tell this to Gunther, he isn't very fond on Devils) and play cards with a T-Rex. She naturaly agrees and is shunk to fit in the pocket of Timstone. Then the wichhunter, which is named Gunther by the way, Timstone and RD step into the timetraveling apparatus with the dirty magazine, a bottle of absinthe and the Hellraiser DVD box (kept cautiously out of Gunther's sight). The familiar hole appears and the gearbox enters the vortex through times and comes in the age of the cantina. Timstone, RD, Gunther step out of the gearbox. RD takes Gunther to the taken over Fyron. Fyron immediately recognises the plan of RD, Timstone and Gunther. He tries to flee, but it held by GT, Taz and Erax. Mac is nipping frombis brewski, turns his chair to face the spectacle. Gunther orders his hands to be tied to his back. Fyron gives quite a struggle, but the he can't witstand the force by wich he is held by GT, Taz and Erax. His hands tied to his back, he is attached to a pole on the parkinglot. Standing there alond betwixt the craters, holes and trenches from the many wars waged there, Fyron gives one Last sensenumbing scream and then exepts his fate. Gunther proceeds witht he banishing and pulls out a scroll glowing with a blue/white light. He speaks words at a commanding voice in a language that even Timstone doesn't recognise. The scroll in Gunther's hands emits more light the longer Gunther speaks, finaly the scroll burns up in the hands of th wichhunter and with the sound of a sonicboom the scroll explodes sending a shockwave of energy out in all directions. When the possesed Fyron is hit bu the energy he desintegrates completely and after a bright flash every visitor sees a skeleton fall to the ground. After the bright flash of light the skeleton lifts itself to his knees screams and fades away. A unconsious normal Fyron hangs on the pole on the parkinglot. Timstone, RD, GT, Taz and Erax untie Fyron and transport him into the cantina where they bring him by. When Fyron wakes up he didn't know what happened. He is given a brewski on the house and rests some. Timstone takes out his new girlfriend from his pocket and unshrinks her again. Timstone and his girlfriend leave the cantina and go home for a while. RD sits on one of the tables of the cantina and tells strong stories to every patron, the circle around his table is a large one, becaus everybody is very interested in the adventure of Timstone and RD. Gunther is permitted to stay in this timeframe. He immediately goed to the clone machine and tries to convert a clone to a zombie. When he keeps failing, he orders a brewski and gets drunk.

[Fyron]

Nice story, but one problem: Fyron the Vampire can become ethereal at will, and so he would easily be able to escape Taz.

[Timstone]

Nomne can escape the iron fists of a Tazmanian Devil and the glare of Gunther is upon you. You couldn't possibly move. Let alone transform into ehtereal form.

[Fyron]

Umm... iron does not inhibit ethereal transformations, and neither does the gaze of a mere mortal.

Edit:
Actually, one more problem: This whole post assumes that Fyron is a Western vampire, which he is not.

[ November 02, 2002, 20:16: Message edited by: Imperator Fyron ]

[Timstone]

Oh, get lost with your pathetic western vampire.
What are you then? An eastern vampire?! What is that? A vampire that transforms in a bunch of mikado sticks in stead of a bat?! Go suck some eggs!