OT: Despair

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by Renegade 13:
As for psychiatrists, I really don't want to tell anyone my problems, or have anyone analyze me.

Yeah i can understand that one. I felt exactly the same, and i think when someone says "Psychiatrist" people get those goosebumps and the stuff conjured up in films appears.

It is a bit hit-and-miss, the first two i saw i really couldn't click with, it was awkward to the extreme. But the third one, Stuart, i really get on with. It's all confidential and they won't force you to take medication or anything, even if they feel it is needed (at least not in the UK) If you can feel comfortable talking to them sometimes it can even be fun, god knows i've had some interesting discussions with mine, and usually they don't ask about your "problems" all the time. If you can find one on your wave length then you'll feel comfortable talking to them. I've been seeing the one i have for 2 years now and i'd count him as a friend.

And thanks Tyrel (if it is your name??? you signed your first post with that lol) for the sympathy, although i really don't see it as a "disease" anymore. It can be hellish at times but it's been with me for 4 years, it's shaped who i am so it's brought good as well. Imagine, i might never had started playing SE4 if i'd never developed it.

[ May 22, 2004, 14:48: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

[Gandalf Parker]

Even before I got to the end of it I was guessing 17. It reminded me way too much of me at 17. Not to belittle or anything but it seems like its a teen thing kindof like chicken-pox and measles are 6-9. Circumstances are probably different and can be disastrous but the dark cloud feels the same. For me I think it eventually turned out to be a good thing to have gone thru then rather than later (kindof like chicken pox and measles)

Whats fun is to do some personal dark-cloud poetry or music at an assembly and discover how many peers are feeling the same way. Surprisingly its often the ones you were using as comparison for how bad off you were. And you find out they were doing the same to to you, thinking you were the example of doing great compared to their sucky lives.

Sorry for the "old guy" viewpoint. Feel free disregard.

[ May 22, 2004, 15:54: Message edited by: Gandalf Parker ]

[Imperial]

I was diagnosed with clinical depression baack in 2000. I am not crazy, But I had a lot of atypical behavior, thaughts, and feelings. I went to see a psychiatrist and then eventually to a councelor--and it is the best thing I have done. At first I didnt take medicine beacuse of the side effects--but they eventually all went away--now i take my meds daily and am fine. I hardly goto the councelor anymore--just mainly for reinforcement. I highly stress going to a doctor and to see a councelor as well. All your feelings etc will change and you will feel so much better--just remember that if you are prescribed medication to take it everyday (no excuses--dont forget) You will feel great and be able to cope much better.If you need to ask any questions just email me-- I know what your going through and how you feel.

[Renegade 13]

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
And thanks Tyrel (if it is your name??? you signed your first post with that lol)

Yep, that's my name. And thanks again for the advice.

Gandalf: I too believe that everyone goes through something like this at this point in their lives. However, severity and frequency does come into the equation. For example, myself again. This isn't a new thing. It's been plagueing me for about the Last 4 years. I know, it may seem like an affliction that everyone goes through at this stage of life, but I'm not so sure. And I sure hope that most people don't go through what I go through, and if they do, they hide it very well.

I can very well understand why you would believe this to be a problem just like the problems of any other teenage person. But I've talked to other people, and I dont' think that most people go through what I have and am. Perhaps I'm wrong. But I'd rather believe that I'm right, and that most other people don't have to suffer like I have.

[Renegade 13]

Imperial, thank you for your advice, encouragement, and support. I know that I should probably go to my doctor and maybe a councillor or something, get meds, etc. But for some reason I'm strangely hesitant to do so. I guess I've always thought I could handle it by myself, and so far I have. I dont' want to admit weakness I guess, and to admit to others that I have a problem. Pride I guess.

And thanks to everyone who has offered encouragement and suggestions. I am extremely grateful to you all.

[ May 22, 2004, 17:25: Message edited by: Renegade 13 ]

[Atrocities]

What can any one say to someone who has depression. It is the loneliest trip down memory lane that one can take. It is a mind virus, soul killing, life sucking, reality twisting parasite that leaves you feeling empty and beaten. It is the loniest feeling any one person could ever endure. I found this following statement one day on forum by a member fighting depression, and it think he does a nice job summing up how it effected him. The sad thing is, most people who are depressed feel this way daily and I am no exception. But life does go on if we take it one day at a time.

I wish God didn't hate me so much. I have been so alone my entire life that all I now have is the desire to end it. Death is my only reprieve from this desperate despair that fills me so. The black hole that is my sole pulls on all the happy feelings like a gravity well pulls in light, leaving only the sad, lonely, helpless feelings of being the only man left standing on the battle field of dead memories and lost opportunities.

The one thing about depression is that it is an illness and all of its victims experience the same emotional symptoms. I think that is why so many employers and doctors are so supportive of people with depression. It really is like a virus that just eats away at you until you want to live no more and start making some very poor decisions about which end of the gun is pointed at you.

"No one understands, no ever will."
"I hate life, why bother living."
"I just want to die, death is my only hope for peace."
"No one loves me, I am alone."
"Nothing matters, it all is for not."
"We are all going to die so why live on?"
"I know how the story ends so why continue reading the book."

I have heard all of these and have even asked some of them myself. I have no answers for any of them. Each person must ultimately fight depression in their own way. Knowing it is an illness that has infected your mind helps me to fight it. No one knows why it comes, why the despair is so deep that it hurts at your very core, deep deep down inside, as if your heart itself could feel sorrow and is crying out in pain. Or when you’re asleep and your mind cries so powerfully that you wake up in tears with the deepest sadness that you have ever felt in your life. A sadness so deep that it feels as if every fiber of your being cried out "why" all at once. A moan of despair that comes from some place deep inside of your soul, announcing its own death or hibernation so to speak that leaves you with an empty feeling which words lack the ability to describe.

It hurts on so many levels that death becomes more and more palatable. But again that is how the disease kills, it makes you kill yourself. If you know this, then you can fight it. You can fight it, and any one with this curse should fight it.

To give in is to say that you truly have nothing to live for, or that your sadness has no end. For those few I can only sympathies with for they are, truly alone.

Don't let depression kill you, its not worthy enough.

[ May 22, 2004, 18:13: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by Renegade 13:

quote:

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Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
And thanks Tyrel (if it is your name??? you signed your first post with that lol)

Yep, that's my name. And thanks again for the advice.

---

It's No problem, Most people find it hard to admit it to friends, never mind ask a community they visit, you've taken a brave step just by posting this here. I hope you find a way to keep yourself feeling good. Just remember that Psychiatrists, Councellors and Medication Are Not the only ways. In the end it's you as a person who will defeat it.

Good Luck for the future.

[ May 22, 2004, 18:23: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

[Aiken]

Depression and despair are common things in our crazy world. Look at me. Am I sociopath? Yes. Reserved introvert? Yes. Paranoid? Yes (of late time, though, due to RL problems). Am I a patient of the psychiatrist? NO. And I'm not going to visit him.
I'm clearly understand that I'm abnormal, sometimes inadequate - I think different than most part of other people around me, a lot of human's fetiches are nothing for me and vice versa. So the question: why should I want to be normal? This world is not normal, it's too close to hell to be normal, and I'm not desire to be another demon in the crowd.
Sure, all this depress me. It's the common human instinct - to be the part of a pride, and resistance is difficult. But suicide is loss. We're affected by crowd opinion - diversity is danger, but throw it away, it's not worth your life.
Maybe I'm wrong, but until it concerns only me I will go my own way, even if would cost me money, success, popularity or other REAL_MAN_OBJECT_OF_LIFE.

[Phoenix-D]

You can be screwed up all you want. I have my own problems, certainly. Just remember when it starts negatively impacting other people its gone too far.

Mostly directed at aiken, with the sociopathic comment. I don't know if you actually -are- but personal events this weekend have lowered my tolerance for that quite a lot.

[Atrocities]

There are many conditions that affect the mind, and even many more minds that affect the condition. Retorical BS but for the love of God its so true.

What I hate most is that the people around me who claim to know me, don't. They have spent their lives trying to figure me out, but in the end, they were attempting to understand an enigma that has no solution therefore they refuse to accept the truth, I am one of millions of people around the world that are simply and catagorically considered weird.

Heres to being us, even if its a painful and lonely life.