Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave - Page 23

Taz-in-Space · #**221** May 15th, 2003, 06:54 AM

Taz reluctantly dons his Guinen outfit and resumes his duties in Ten Forward.

Ordered by Erax: A beer and a Haggis sandwich.

Taz serves Erax the beer and (Ugg) his Haggis sandwich.
"Do you know what is in that? How about a nice plate of Tribble Wings instead?"

What is a haggis: http://www.electricscotland.com/haggis/haggis1.html

As Taz waits for the next episode to begin, he pulls out a rag and begins to polish the bar...

[ May 15, 2003, 05:58: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

narf poit chez BOOM · #**222** May 15th, 2003, 08:07 AM

lol. and i thought it was oatmeal in a sheeps stomach!

Growltigger · #**223** May 15th, 2003, 02:26 PM

End opening credits and still shots of heroic Captain Growltigga looking macho and well, just plain heroic.....

Camera pans left to shot of TSSS Phong's Head zipping along through space (if you look closely enough, you can see the wires)....

Captain Slog, Stardate 13.01.15.05.03 GMT, despite our entente cordial and mutual appreciation of the female clone mud-wrestling-wet-look-nude-all-in-wahey-event, I have been unable to convince the Fart Point Council to allow the Galactic Federation to mine dilithium crystals on their planet, but I have been successful in securing galaxy-wide distribution rights for "Old Regurgitator", their strongest and finest ale. That's the pension sorted out anyway...

However, when we were beamed back to Phong's Head, I noticed a slight fault in our transporter system, possibly caused by the methane storms surrounding Fart Point...

The crew of the Phong's Head are strange, for a start, everybody has stupid goatee beards, even the girls, and my first officer, always a bit of an effete ponce, is now walking round flexing his biceps (for what it is worth) and acting like a right pratt.. I am worried that the transporter problem has beamed us to another dimension where the crew of the Phong's Head are a bunch of strange tee-totla pacificts and mincing queens.. also, every body seems to have ginger hair.. I might have to rename the ship the TSSS Ginger Minger at this rate...

Something must be up, I am sure that the transporter man blew my first officer a kiss when we beamed up, there doesn't appear to be a real man (or real woman) for that matter in the whole crew

I have asked the away team to investigate......

geoschmo · #**224** May 15th, 2003, 02:53 PM

(Let me officially declare my displeasure at the choice of topics for this episode. But beign a dedicated professional fake actor I will do my best to play the role as written. But I expect you will be hearing from my agent at contract renewel time.

)

[comunicator beep]
Mccoy: Yoooo-hoooo! Captain Gt! You big stud cat you. I heard you had returned from your away mission. Now you get tail down to sick bay pronto handsome. I need to do a complete physical exame on you and make sure you didn't pick up any nasty alien bugs. I'm waaaiting.......

[ May 15, 2003, 13:53: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

Erax · #**225** May 15th, 2003, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Taz-in-Space:
Taz serves Erax the beer and (Ugg) his Haggis sandwich.
"Do you know what is in that? How about a nice plate of Tribble Wings instead?"

I know all about haggis, in fact in Brazil we have a similar dish except it's a goat instead of a sheep.

Anyway...

Erax looks at his console in Engineering and sees
a blinking light. "What the... Transporters are doon ? Gotta fix that !" He dives into the ship's innards and finds a bundle of components that have been duct-taped together. "Curse that Kamog and his tape !" He jiggles the components and a loud beeping alarm is heard. He comes out, kills the alarm, turns off Transporter power and goes back in again.

'I hope no one was using the Transporters right just now', he thinks to himself.

dogscoff · #**226** May 15th, 2003, 05:04 PM

meanwhile, back in the normal dimension, the anti-dogscoff has materialised aboard the real TSSS Phong's Head. Shagged out after an eventful away-trip, he heads to the bar.

"If I may ask, sir, how is it you have 2 goatees?" inquires a passing crewman.
Before anti-dogscoff can answer, the crewman accidentally spills beer all over him.

For a moment, anti-'scoff just looks at the spilled mess. Then he looks back up at the crewman. The crewman quivers and starts to apologise.
"Don't worry about it" says anti-dogscoff "I've got to get changed anyway. But first let me mop this up for you.

The crewman is amazed. "Aren't you going to feed me to Barry or some kind of hideous, city-devouring sea-monster? Or have me hacked into millions of tiny pieces from the inside by a horde of beserk micro-ninja?"
Anti-dogscoff just laughs. "No, No. Here, let me buy you another drink, although you really shouldn't drink beer- alcohol is very bad for you. How about a nice herbal tea instead?"

The crewman calls for security...

[ May 15, 2003, 16:05: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Ruatha · #**227** May 15th, 2003, 06:25 PM

Well beam me up Scotty.
How do one finds 10 forward here to get some free drinks?

Ruatha looks around with the view that has seen more than 1000 Posts pass by. An experianced person these days!

Aint I great or what??

narf poit chez BOOM · #**228** May 15th, 2003, 08:35 PM

so the real phong's head is the evil one? make sence. now lets see...

narf, after interviewing a few citicens of fartpoint, learns about what happened to most of his rats. taking of an the trail of his rats, he draws steadily closer to the phong's head, who's rampage he is determined to stop.

Raging Deadstar · #**229** May 15th, 2003, 09:23 PM

*As the Phongs Head is travelling along 5 cloaked Deadstar Continuum Battleships materialise surrounding the Phong's Head. They move into intercept positions and open fire, with the combined fire of all 5 ships shield depleters the Phong's heads shields are left low, if not destroyed. On Board the Captain Leyasu receives his orders and prepares to give his proposal to the crew...*

*The Phong's Head's viewscreen bursts into colour as a Deadstar Captain appears on it, looking very evil, he looks around at the bemused crew of the phong's head and notices the strange looking man with the goatee standing before him. The captain looks around, no sign of the captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat. Just someone who looks like a non-sentient lifeform, well with that GOATEE It seemed he was, and why did he look like he had something shoved up his back hole?.*

"Greetings TSSS Phongs Head, I captain Leyasu of the Deadstar demand you remove your ship from Claimed Deadstar space. Failure to do so shall result in the swift destruction of your ship. You have 1 day to comply or you will be annexed! Refuse and prepare the caskets for your arrival!"

*The Viewscreen knocks off and the entire crew of good looking gothic women burst into hysterics of the sight of the first officer with the goatee. The video is saved and sent around the deadstar continuum to be displayed as propaganda against the enemy, for now the galactic federation has been resoundingly humiliated. With the 5 cruisers tri cobalt torpedoes locked on they await the first officers decision!*

narf poit chez BOOM · #**230** May 15th, 2003, 10:51 PM

narf reaches the phong's head and begins to bang on the cargo bay door with a hammer. the doors bulge inward and split, narf goes inside, and a forcefield generated by the phongs head snaps into place behind him. narf starts heading towards a door, then a tyrranosaurus kicks him in the side. narf slams against the wall and drops into a crouch. grasping his hammer tightly, he slams the tyranno in the side, knocking 30 feet it into a wall. the t-rex, only shaken up, charges...