Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Wardad]

George Carlin Strikes Again...

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that 1 out of5 enjoys it?

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[Iansidious]

I am way out my league nice job Jack Smith,Imperator Fyron I guess I forgot how many people on the forums know how to read [just kidding] anyway here's one.What row of numbers come next?

1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Iansidious:
I am way out my league nice job Jack Smith,Imperator Fyron I guess I forgot how many people on the forums know how to read [just kidding] anyway here's one.What row of numbers come next?

1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

This one's been mentioned before:
1113213211
31131211131221
13211311123113112211

[Suicide Junkie]

The better question now is WHY

[ August 19, 2003, 22:54: Message edited by: Suicide Junkie ]

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Suicide Junkie:
The better question now is WHY

I don't know why it was posted before, but if you want a few more rows:
11131221133112132113212221
3113112221232112111312211312113211
1321132132111213122112311311222113111221131221

[ August 19, 2003, 23:07: Message edited by: Jack Simth ]

[Wardad]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[narf poit chez BOOM]

it has occured to me that the riddle could be taken the wrong way and so it has been removed.

bilbo didn't really guess the time one, he just shouted "time" in a panic to get more.

[ August 25, 2003, 09:53: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Ruatha]

Why does earth and the other planets spin around their axis?

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Ruatha:
Why does earth and the other planets spin around their axis?

Because any planet's axis is defined as the line around which that planet spins.

[Ruatha]

ok, why do planets spin ? ( ie around that which is defined as the planets axis)