OT: Despair

[Renegade 13]

The waves of despair eat away at the protective walls of your mind, day by day. I know the feeling. Reinforcement takes all your strength.

[tesco samoa]

i did...

Remember it is not a mistake... but a lession... do it twice its a mistake..

but there are some good lessons to learn here.

1. take the time that you two had together and think about all the good things that happened... Remember them.
2. take the time that stuff did not work out. remember them and in the future learn from them.

3. take the time that things fell apart and be glad it happened now. Not 10 or 20 years down the road...

4. Take the time now to not bother the other person. If you need to see them or talk to them. Do not do it. If you do randomly see them. Smile and say hello and thats it. If they ask how are things going. Say that your are ok. And repeat the question. Then say that it was nice to see you and tell them to have a nice day. Then carry on your day. Do not freak out. Do not say stuff that you do not mean. Do not say stuff that you do mean. Some times it is better to be a little indiffernt for respect for a person you once liked/loved.... Remeber they are feeling emotions as well. And it is better to not ruin all the time you spent together with the time that you did not spend together. It is a hard lesson to learn that one. But trust me on it. And this lesson will help you with future relationship break ups as well... I have seen a few people freak out... and just go all weird and I feel act a little scary. You must avoid that at all cost.

Other things such as do not talk about it all the time is a good one as well. Bring it up with your good friend. But keep it at that level. Any one else asks you about your previous partner. Speak nicely about them. Keep it short and keep it simple.

If your lucky you will have your heart broke a few times over the next few years. Most people are not that lucky to experience a few good relationships.

Good luck and enjoy your next relationship.

You will know if the next one is going to be better or worse based on your experence of this relationship... If it is worse. Bail.

If it is better. Build on it.

Learn. Enjoy. And most of always show respect to a person you once loved or still love. Even if you hate them for a while.

And make a great mix tape or mix cd right now with music on how your feeling... And keep it...

It is good for laughs later on...

I have a few... And listen to them every few years...

Brings a smile to my face every time...

[Loser]

Yeah, drinking doesn't help. It might seem like it does, but it doesn't.

Memory, the knowlege that you have wronged or been wrong, is the Adamic Burden. It is this knowlege of Good and Evil, of Right and Wrong, and the ability to apply it to our own lives that makes us something more than animals, and it is our suspension in time, uncertain of the furture and chained to an unchangeable past, that makes us a something less than the angles.

It's not a bad rub or an unfair deal, it is simply that which makes us what we are.

The more we dwell on any one memory, the closer we hold it and its consequences to ourselves, the more powerfull it is made to be, the more difficult it will be to escape it. If a grudge weighs heavily on you, do your best not to think of it. You cannot simply deny that it is there, so you must keep your mind and your hands busy.

Pursue activities that engage the mind, or that require such total concenrtation that you cannot think of anything else. As much as possible, keep you mind filled with other things or empty on the cusp of reaction required in 'twitch' games and physical activities of agility.

Most improtantly, decide to forgive. When you are willing to do so, and when enough time has passed without the pain being renforced on a daily basis, you will be able to release those who have wronged you from any burden.

Sometimes one thing that helps me is to see the person against which I would hold a grudge as helpless and incapable. This contempt, this denial of their accountability makes it easier to pitty and condescend agianst them, rather than hate them.

This is just an intermidiate step, of course. You want to forgive them entirely, not make excuses for them. Sometimes we need those baby steps, though.

Originally posted by Renegade 13:
Emotional pain...is the worst thing any man or woman can experience.

There are worse things. There are physical pains that hurt worse than the closest betrayal. Most of us never have to deal with them.

[edit: tesco's advice is great, espeically #4

what happened to the domokun?]

[ July 16, 2004, 05:11: Message edited by: Loser ]

[mac5732]

Nice guys, eventually win out in the end, you just have to wait and give it time.. Remember, never try to be something or someone your not. That is the worst thing one can do and you will regret it in the long run. Always be yourself, and if someone doesn't like it, tough, sooner or later, someone will come along, usually when you least expect it, and like you for yourself.

Example. I met my wife, when I pulled her over one night with her girl friend. towed the car, pulled them down to the station, called friend father to come and get them.... she was nasty, snotty, obnoxcious, smart mouthed, etc. Month later saw her at local bar, began talking with her, and to make long story short, married her 3 yrs later....

so always look on the bright side, what was meant to be will be and nothing you can do will change it. Just be yourself, have faith in yourself, and rmember, its her loss, not yours. Its all a part of life's trials and you will experience more in your life. Don't let something like this get you down, look on the bright side, you woke up this morning, and any day that happens, is a good day no matter what else takes place... besides you have many friends here, and most if not all of us have at one time or the other gone thru the same thing, some easier others harder...

you take care

[ July 16, 2004, 05:03: Message edited by: mac5732 ]

--------------------
just some ideas Mac

[Atrocities]

Living for most of us is a day to day thing. When crap is piled upon us by RL we find it hard to burdon the load and think of the bliss that is death. But honestly speaking death is over rated. When you succeed at it, you will never know because your dead. If you fail, then you will know, and most likely regret having treid. So for your sake I hope that you find life more desireable then the big nothing.

And follow tesco samoa advice. He nailed it.

Good luck.

[ July 16, 2004, 05:54: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

[Renegade 13]

Thank you all for the advice and words of encouragement. It means a lot to me. Its kind of ironic though...I have more friends here than I do anywhere else! I suppose all we can do is live life day to day, and take what gets thrown at us.

[Atrocities]

Your welcome.

[Atrocities]

A while back Tom Cruise had some kind of altercation with some new reporter about depression and the "accepted" cause for it and many mental health problems.

While I did not see the airing of this interview for myself, I did note that there was a lot of hoop'la'do about it and that many mental health professionals wigged out over what he was saying.

I know first hand how mental health professionals seem to group all mental health issues into one large catagory, "chemical imbalance." While there is no real way to test for this, they often prescribe a morid of medications ranging from RIDDLIN to PROZAC.

I was prescribed such a medication for a sever bought of depression in 1999. This medication later was proven to have caused severe damage to the pancrease and liver. As a result of having taken this medication my pancrease failed and I lost a kidney. I am now plagued by diabeties, excessive weight gain, and boughts of fatigue that often last for weeks. Oh ya, and depression.

At the time I had no idea just how bad things would get or that the people I trusted to help me were little more than witch doctors using me for experimintation. While I was precluded from seeking major damages, one cannot sue an HMO, I was given some help best described as squat.

So when Tom Cruise went off on what has now been characterized as a rambling incomprehendable rant about the Psychiatrist profession and their habitual bad habbits of prescribing medications to just about any one who makes the mistake of walking through their door, it made me think a bit. So I did some research and what I found scared the utter hell out of me. One must be very, very careful now and seriously weigh the pros and cons of taking any medication prescribed by a psychiatrist. I think the best thing would be to say "use at own risk" and if it helps you great, but what is it really doing to you?

I think Tom might be right, it just might all be a huge scam designed to hook us all on pills that none of us really need.

(For extreme depression, some anti-depressent do help keep you from acting upon impulses, so don't count them all out. If your in a bad way, better to be alive then not. Take the pills but becareful.)


More Info Be advised that this also a scientology link... So take the info with a degree of skeptisim. (Not all of what they say is BS, judge for yourself at this point.)

[dogscoff]

Re Atrocities & anti-depressants:
Anti-depressant medication can work and it is a very valuable tool to be used against a truly hideous condition.
Forget cancer & AIDS, depression is the true plague of the 21st century.

Anyway, anti-depressants are not the only tool, and are not ideal for long-term use. They're good for giving you a little stability while you address the causes of your depression, but I do believe they are addictive (even if 'only' psychologically addictive) and can mess you up. There can also be side effects, so they should only be prescribed with care, and with an eye to working on other solutions (like counselling, exercise, diet and lifestyle changes) to the depression in the meantime so that one day the meds will be no longer necessary. Your doctor should help you with these things when prescribing the meds. If s/he doesn't, and seems to be offering the drugs as a complete solution, then consider going to a different doctor.

On another note, many sufferers of depression (although I think this is only good for mild depression) swear by St John's Wort. You can pick it up at any health food shop. Apparently it reduces depressive feelings without damping other emotions in the process. However it does have its own side effects and doesn't mix well with some other drugs, so research carefully.

EDIT: Just realised how old this thread is. That was a very stealthy bit of necromancy, AT.

[Atrocities]

Forget cancer & AIDS, depression is the true plague of the 21st century.

You will get no arguement from me.