WALLY WORLD Employment Application

[Andrew Lonon]

I read this post way back and thought it was funny. But something bothered me about it, something that I could not figure out. Then it hit me::

That looks a lot like my resume.


One problem tho…. You need room for more digits in the ‘Elvis and UFO’ section. I would suggest:

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

~Andrew

[scout32]

What a load of elitist bull hockey. If you do not like Wal-Mart then do not shop there.Also, those supposed documentaries are nothing more than anti-capitalist propaganda not unbiased reports.Making insulting remarks about the employees & customers is childish.

[Atrocities]

Scout32, it might be childish, but its loads of fun. And if you read the whole thread you point has been made for you.

[Atrocities]

WALLY WORLD EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
Version 2.0 (Thats is your nose picking finger and "the finger" finger for those of you who caint count.)

If you can read this, then theres no point in continuing.

Note: Assuming you can read and write, please fill out the application as completely as you can.


WELCOME
We here at the Wally World believe in keeping things simple. Fill out this here application, sign it, and y’all is hired.

NOTE: High School, college or university graduates or GED holders need NOT APPLY.

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Jessie James [_] Billy-Joe-Bob [_] Billy-Beth

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Former or Current Occupations (mark all that apply):
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician [_]Kmart Employee [_] Goat Roper [_] Bull Rider [_] Prison Guard [_] Inmate

Education: 1 2 3 4 None (Circle highest grade completed)

In Case Of Emergency Contact: (Please note that 911 does not count.)
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet [_]All of the above

Personal Information:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ Truck
____ Kitchen
____ Bedroom
____ Bathroom
____ Shed
____ At work
____ On you

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Have you ever been on: (Mark all that apply)
[_] Geroldo
[_] Jerry Springer
[_] Cops
[_] America's Most Wanted
[_] UFO Abductions Report
[_] Dr. Phil
[_] All of the Above
[_] Other (Please Explain

Have you ever been arrested for the any of the following: (Mark all that apply.}
[_] Drunk In Public
[_] Driving at night with your lights off while hanging out the windown with a deer rifle.
[_] Having sex with animals
[_] Having sex with animals while being drunk in public
[_] Shooting up road signs
[_] You don't remember, you just woke up in jail.
[_] All of the above.


Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
[_] Lov’in Your Relatives
[_] Hooters

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs after seeing a UFO
_______________ Number of blurry pictures you took of UFO
_______________ Number of family members who are aliens

Are you an alien? Yes or No

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:______________________

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know

What languages can you speak?
[_] Hill Billy
[_] Red Neck
[_] Hill Billy Red Neck
[_] Ridge Runner
[_] Buck Tooth Coal Miner
[_] Southern French Hill Billy
[_] Eing-go-leash
[_] Other (Please Specify)_________________________

Why do you want to work for the Wal-Mart?
[_] To pick up chicks
[_] To get a discount on bullets
[_] To eat at McDonalds
[_] To steal stuff
[_] All Of The Above
[_] I don’t know

If a customer comes up to you and asks you where something is, what do you tell them? (Circle which applies) Correct answers qualifies you for the Management Program.
A. Duh I don’t know
B. Tell them to leave you alone
C. Give them a dirty look and go for your gun
D. Shoot them
E. Spit a gob of chew at their feet
F. Give them precise instruction: “Y’all wanna head down this here’n isle until you all come to the gun rack, then make a right and go do south until you comes to the fish’ in poles. Turn north on isle 11 just past the tackle boxes and head on up until you comes to the big cross isles. You can’t miss it, cause its right there in the middle.
D. All of the Above.


Put Your Name here:_________________________________
(If you cannot spell your name, mark with an "X"

Wally World employees get a 10% discount on Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, T-shirts, boots, Pork Riegns, Chilly Beams, Ammo, fishing stuff, and cinder blocks.

I want to offer my sincerest appolgies to the employees and customers of "the big store that every one goes too who's name starts with the letter 'W'" for having promoted the negative sterotype of said store franchise, their employees, and customers. The big "W" is a fine business, owned and operated by outstanding people. Albeit this was merely a joke designed to promote humor, it unfortunetly offended more than it enterainted. For that I do apologize.