The Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut

[Jack Simth]

Glances around at the carnage.
"This simply won't do."
Spins a pocket universe with odd properties, and moves the wreckage of the take-out hut there. Moments later, one of the odd properties of the pocket universe become clear, as the wreckage repairs itself, quickly resulting in an undamaged hut. Every inanimate object is repaired - including the jukebox, which starts to blow up after every song, but re-assembles itself before the damage goes very far.

Then establishes a permanent gateway between the material plane and the pocket universe, setting up a permanent illusion of the original Hut, which serves merely to mark the gateway between universes.

As a test, Jack pulls out a sealed beer, opens it, and pours a glass. A moment later, the glass is still full, and the beer is re-sealed and full. Jack nods, then dumps the beer from the glass. Then frowns momentarily when he notices the glass fills itself back up as soon as it is set upright, as the beer stain fades. Then he shrugs.

"Ah well, it'll work."

"As for that drunken sop, I think he may enjoy how this new pocket universe singles out his hangovers for sheer, unimaginable duration. The effect only applies here, of course - it's tied to the location - but as long as he's here, his hangover won't fade a bit. Everyone else will be happy that all their hangover symptoms are transferred to the sot, when he's around. Sic an angle on me. Heh. Pointless. Let's see his reaction the next time he walks in the door...."

Proceeds to buy every patron in the room a drink of their choice, ensuring that there will be plenty of hangovers for transferrence.

"Oh, and it's not onions here, it's garlic."

Slaps his forehead as a few cratefulls of garlic cloves land on top of his head.

"Ah well, at least they're tasty."

Steps out of the pile, grabs one, and starts munching.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

...NEWS FLASH

A large group of very rare Xiati/Cue-Cappa crossbreeds, of which none were supposed to exist after the Genological Riots, have complained about a disturbed psychotemporal quantum field near the Won-Ton Violence Take-Out Hut. Upon inspection, officials concluded that the restaurant had been replaced with a quantumchroniton illusion that functioned as the gateway between the material world and a pocket universe. Councillor Hackett, the councilman that ordered the investigation, demanded it be removed immediately, and the original Hut put back in its place.

When asked, Hackett stated that this occurence had nothing to do with his new Intragalactic Inc. TX-23 interplanetary sports car, or with the firebombing - which happened sometime later.

Growltigger Enterprises has generously offered to place tight security near the restaurant, if it ceded corporate control to GT Enterprises. When the hut proprietor, a mr. Huxtable, refused, another firebombing consumed the entire alcohol storage building next door, where the main ingredients for most of the establishment's drinks were kept.

GT Enterprises has refused to comment on this occurence.

[Atrocities]

/me Cleans my gun.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

After the news flash and the events it described left the patrons (and the structural suppports of the building) more than a little haggard, AZ makes a call on his mitochondrial phone. (get it?)"

"AgentOne, dispatch all agents from Two to Ninety-Thousand Six Hundred And Five to GT Enterprises. And go yourself, too."

Just as he ends the call, Silky DrawZ comes running in. "I've got it! I've got proof! It's -" and is splattered all over the Hut, ruining the Praetorian nicely simmering away on the BBQ, set there to replace the one that got ruined by the splattered bits of the GT Goon Commander (1kT, 1kT resistance, damage 1 due to flying debris, Destroyed After Use).

Moments (though for some of the Xiati it was days) later, several Nultoh strongmen enter the establishment and prepare to smash the place up.

(Btw, what's the "O" word?)

[AgentZero]

Jack Smith spots Agent Zero walking towards the door and an expectant grin spreads across his face. Zero enters the Hut, takes three steps and promptly drops to his knees with a piercing cry of agony. Jack giggles girlishly as Zero writhes about in pain. Zero tries desperately to make it to the exit, but his spasming muscles cause him merely to flop around on the floor. Jack's enjoyment of the spectacle is cut short when Agent Zero suddenly stops flopping, rises to his knees and lifts his head to look at Jack. Against all odds, a tortured grin spreads across Agent Zero's face.

"Fool!" he gasps as his eyes begin glowing a hellish red. "Have you any comprehension of what you have done?!"

Before he can reply, Jack is engulfed by a black cloud of demons, these ones fully coporeal and not as easily dismissed as their ethereal breathren. Simultaneously, a horde of sword-wielding angels decend upon the patrons of the Hut and begin liberally administering decapitations, eviscerations and amputations. In the midst of all this horrific carnage, Agent Zero suddenly jumps to his feet, strolls casually over to the bar and asks a cowering Hank for a pint of water.

"Don't worry, Hank, they won't hurt you, the bringer of beer. I've got things totally under control."
"B-b-but I thought Jack's pocket-universe-inflicted-hangover caused you to lose control of the Legions."
"Pffft! Pocket universe. You really think that would have any effect on me? I am an instrument of the divine, and everyone knows that the theoretical has no effect on the theological."

With that, Agent Zero snaps his fingers and the demons and angels suddenly vanish, leaving bits and pieces of patrons scattered all over the floor. And, left standing in the middle of the floor is Jack Smith, or what's left of him. The demons have done a thorougly excellent job in flaying him, managing to remove every scrap of skin and flesh while leaving all veins, arteries and internal organs completely intact.

"Wow," exclaims Hank. "That's impressive.
"Indeed," Agent Zero agrees. "And agonizingly painful. Of course, he can't scream, for he has no larynx, and he can't move for he has no muscle tissue left, but rest assured, he is experiencing the most horrific pain imagineable."

Then, in a moment of extremely rare compassion, Agent Zero takes a Coporeal Regenerator out of his pocket and sticks it to Jack's forhead. It will take several hours to completely replace his body, by which time Agent Zero will be back in the Forum Bar & Grill, snuggled up with his Angel of Death.

"Now then," he addresses Jack, who has just regrown ears. "Let this be a lesson to you. When someone controls the Legions of Heaven and Hell, you really shouldn't call them a sot."

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The Nultoh strongmen approach AZ and try to prevent his exiting the establishment, until they realise he said he'd been on his way to the Bar & Grill.

Then they move to the remains of the jukebox robot, which have pulled themselves together again. "Come on. Let's smash up this pencil-legged 'bot!" one says foolishly.

When the robot has vented his anger, mr. Huxtable proudly announces a new dish:

Nultoh Hachee

[NullAshton]

You need to take the J'Raenar out of the menu. *Omnious hum*

[General Woundwort]

That "ominous hum" is Strategian's dimensional gate being overriden and shut down, drawing the Take-Out Hut back into (at least what passes for) normal space (around here).

"ATTENTION ALL OCCUPANTS OF THE TAKE OUT HUT!!", Woundwort (via loudspeaker) calls out from outside. "WE HAVE THE PLACE SURROUNDED!!" A quick glance confirms this, as the Hut is indeed surrounded by hordes of Mafia thugs and rabid Mongooses (check the Forum Grill archives for that one). "YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO SURRENDER THE TITLE DEED, OR WE COME IN SHOOTING!!!" A quick consultation of the head mongoose with Woundwort brings the addition "..AND BITING!!!"

"TEN..."
"NINE..."

[NullAshton]

Actually the ominous hum is a plasma cannon

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The dimensional gate was Jack's, not mine. I just showed a recent news flash to the patrons in which a councilman had ordered the annihilation of the pocket universe and that had already happened, according to the news flash.

And what about the Nultoh strongmen? Or are they not GT's, but someone else's (like the guy who'd just opened a new restaurant when his building got annihilated by my Assault Fighter strafing GT's maffioso goons), or operating on their own?

Oh, and I hereby provide orbital precision bombing support and fighter protection by my COMCA in orbit. (You didn't really think Sol III actually had a MOON, did you?)