Jokes and Riddles Centre

[David E. Gervais]

I wanted to make a post in here, but thought better of it. Then I had a change of heart, but had nothing to say. So this is the best I could do.

I'm glad I'm a better artist than a forum poster.

Cheers!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

'No thanks, I already have a penguin.' www.coolsig.com

[Wardad]

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LOUISIANA GHOST STORY

A stranded man was on the side of the road hoping to catch a ride on a terribly dark night while in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. Time passed slowly as he realized no cars were going to go by. It was raining so hard he could scarcely see his hand in front of his face, when suddenly he saw a car moving slowly; approaching him and appearing so very ghostlike in the rain. The car slowly crept toward him and lurched to a stop.

Wanting a ride so very badly, the fellow quickly jumped in the car and closed the door. It was only then that he realized there was no driver behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving and the stranded man became terrified, too terrified to even think of jumping out and running.

In stark terror, he saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, with the brackish waters of the bayou just below and no guardrail to protect him. Still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begged God to spare his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou where he would surely drown.

Then just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and gently turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the frightened man watched the hand reappear every time the ghost car reached a curve. Finally, scared near to death and with all any man could take, he jumped out of the car and ran the rest of the way to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and with quavering voice, ordered two shots of whiskey and began to relate his story to all about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped the bar, Patrons and everybody got goose bumps when they realized that this guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one said to the other, "Look Bordeaux, ders dat idiot dat rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."

BOO! THE END

[narf poit chez BOOM]

You knew it was out there somewhere... Waiting... Lurking... Ready to jump out at you at any second... The End Of The Internet!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Fear! FEAR!! http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files...ranslator.html

[narf poit chez BOOM]

<a href="http://merctea.com/nerdtest.html" target="_blank">42.857142857142854% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?</a>

[Suicide Junkie]

narf poit chez BOOM said:
Fear! FEAR!! http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files...ranslator.html

DID U KNOW TAHT DOLPHINS R SO INTELIEGNT TAHT WITHIN ONLY A F3W WEKS OF CAPTIVITY THEY CAN TRANE MERICANS 2 STAND AT DA VERY ADGE OF DA POL AND THROW THAM FISH?!?!!!?! OMG LOL

Wow, it works!

[Wardad]

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!
We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays . This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real
gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that
indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves,
they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced
with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment - - - - This gives a whole new meaning to being "pissed off".

[Wardad]

Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted the Health Canada's
suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately
on all varieties of alcohol containers:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting
your *** kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode

***

[Ruatha]

Suicide Junkie said:

Wow, it works!

OMG LOL