Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours

[Ragnarok]

Originally posted by Timstone:
I've got a feeling that this is not going to end vwery well for the drinking patrons. Hehe... lots of violence!

A subspace communication comes in to Timstones personally communicator. Rags comes across the line and says: "Ahh, I should be ok. I'm almost 300,000 light years away already. My new uber fast Cruiser are getting far away from Taz before he can come after all of us." The communicator goes blank and Rags continues to fly off at ludicris speeds.

[Timstone]

Ah, but you forget, my good friend, that when you return to this fine establishment you WILL be dealt with by The Taz.
For your sake I hope you've already paid of your little drinking dept.

[TerranC]

Taz, a word of advice: Go Get Some Solvent.

And, uh, thanks for the drinks.

[Ragnarok]

Originally posted by Timstone:

For your sake I hope you've already paid of your little drinking dept.

The payment is in the mail!

[Spoo]

[Spoo rolls his empty keg in from Ruath's thread]

Free drinks? Hmm... (Spoo make a quick calculation of how many drinks it will take to fill his keg)

[Baron Grazic]

Baron Grazic a free beer mug.

Baron Grazic strolls into the Bar, takes a look around, waits for no-one to be looking, grabs a Beer Mug and makes a dash for the Exit

[Taz-in-Space]

...as we look in on poor Taz's plight, we see that drastic measures are called for.

By motioning with his hands Taz get Barry to climb on the roof of the Cantina. Taz then places extra large prybars and levers in his mouth and, motioning the concerned FBW's to a safe distance, has Barry JUMP down onto the other end of the lever arrangment.

With a loud popping sound heard at least half way around the world, Taz's upper jaw is released from the lower one and Taz's pent up angry yells are released into the open air.

Luckly aimed away from the more densely inhabited parts of the planet, this torrent of profanity and anquish only causes a few minor disaster areas:
The Enchanted Forest is now the Blighted Woods.
The Inner Sea is now the Blistering Desert.
And the Milehigh Mountains has a new sealevel pass.

Taz then calmly walks over to the bar and, with a grand gesture of his hand, peels off the label with his name that he had placed on Dogscoff's tab. An experianced bartender NEVER gives out free drinks on his OWN tab.

GT did say to collect on the bar tabs... Now where is that Dogscoff fellow?
(MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPHHHH!! = IT'S YOUR OWN TAB!!)

[ September 27, 2002, 06:06: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

[Timstone]

Get them Taz, get those freedrinkers! Please do it with lots of violence!
BTW, I sell rocks, you can throw them at those insolents.

[dogscoff]

Dogscoff looks at the enormous tab which suddenly bears his name at the top. He looks exaggeratedly dismayed, much to the delight of Taz and other onlookers. He orders another round of drinks on the tab and then, with a wry smile, he scratches at the name with a fingernail. The word "Dogscoff" is actually written on top of a blob of correction fluid, which scratches off to reveal the word...

Ragnarok.

Dogscoff heads leisurely back to the table, and silently offers thanks to the laws of cartoon physics which preside over the Cantina.

[dogscoff]

Dogscoff heads leisurely back to the table, and silently offers thanks to the laws of cartoon physics which preside over the Cantina.

A quick Schlockmercenary- style note on the laws of cartoon physics:

The laws of cartoon physics are much like normal physics, but with certain amendments to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. It all comes down to quantum physics:

In normal quantum physics, the Uncertainty Principle proves that the state of certain sub-atomic objects is fundamentally unknowable. This is essentially due to the fact that these objects can be either waves or particles depending on how the observer chooses to measure them- the observer can measure its momentum or its position, but by measuring one he makes the other unmeasurable. Thus, the more is known about one, the less is known about the other. In fact, ironically, the only thing that can be known exactly is how much can't be known. These laws only apply on a quantum scale, but on that scale anything is actually possible - a particle could immediately move to the other side of the universe, although this isn't very likely, so probably doesn't happen very often. However, since the macroscopic world we live in is made up of countless tiny quantum particles, the implications for philosophy and even theology are immense - there is an implication that the whole stability of physical reality depends on whether or not anyone is looking. It certainly is not in keeping with the old determinist notion that the that the universe ticks on whether we're here to look at it or not, and that the future state of an object can be accurately extrapolated from absolute knowledge of its current state and application of known physical laws. Under quantum physics, the best that can be done is to work out how likely a possible future state is. It was this leap into the realms of statistics which prompted Einstein's famous statement that "God does not play dice with the universe".

In cartoon physics, all of the above applies, but with the added proviso that the uncertainty of a particle's state is governed not only by how that particle is being observed, but by which state the observer would find funniest. In other words, by observing an event, the observer makes the outcome with the highest comic potential the most probable one. The practical and philosophical implications of this theory are even more unsettling. For example, when Cartoon Einstein made the statement "God does not play dice with the the universe", a giant pair of pink, fluffy dice fell immediately and inexplicably from the heavens and squashed him.

There are some excellent short films published on the subject by Prof. Chuck Jones, and for those who are really interested, there are courses in cartoon physics at Warner Loonyversity.

[ September 27, 2002, 10:22: Message edited by: dogscoff ]