Phong's Head Cantina [TM] - Starfury Sector (A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy)

[General Woundwort]

Along a noisy street in a spaceport under construction, a bearded stocky fellow in a flight suit walks with a Peter Lorre-looking chap following behind. They pause in front of a three-story domed titanium building, which looks like a cross between the B5 Earthdome and the Sydney Opera House.

"Hmmm... how strong is the construction of this place, do you say?"

"Class-V reinforced titanium girders with cores of pure adamantium," the Lorre clone replies. "It was originally intended to house the local Rapid Response battalion, but they got transfered closer to the tarmacs."

"Good, good, it ought to hold up to the punishment then... the location is good."

"Excellent, sir! Right along the main strip from the tarmacs to the downtown sector."

"I've got eyes, you know. The asking price?"

Lorre hands him a UWW pad. Woundwort looks it over. He hands it back.

"85%, final."

"Sir, you cannot be serious. Such a sturdy building in a choice location, I cannot let go for anything less than 9.."

"85. That's firm. And you're not ultimately dealing with me. My Boss will have final say on the price. If you want to try your hand at bargaining with him, you're free to do so."

Lorre looks up at Woundwort, back to the building, and back to his UWW pad, which currently displays the portrait of a nasty-looking felinoid.

"85%."

"Good. A pleasure doing business with you."

Lorre walks off with a scowl as Woundwort looks the building over again.

"Well, it's no Bavarian brauhaus, but the location's good, and she's definitely tough enough. Hopefully the Boss will approve."

Woundwort turns and motions to several droids hovering at a respectful distance. They zip up to the building and begin attaching panels to the front, near the main entrance. Their work is soon completed, and the droids follow Woundwort off to the tarmacs.

The panels come to life (holographic poster Boards), displaying the following information...

COMING SOON TO THIS LOCATION

THE PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA[TM] - STARFURY SECTOR
A fully licensed and wholly owned subsidiary of
The Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller

Growltigger (Owner, CEO, HFIC)
Woundwort (Manager)

Secondary Construction and Interior Design by Efrafa Enterprises, Efrafa IV

HELP WANTED

- unidentifiable aliens of all kinds as background extras

- bartenders

- Emergency Medical Response personnel (at least 5 years combat experience required)

- Musicians and singers (proof of current life insurance required)

Enter application in the virtual keypad below; you will be contacted for an interview.

[ September 20, 2003, 11:34: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Growltigger]

Growltigga checks out the freehold title to the new cantina site, and quickly gets a legal mortgage executed and registered over it.

One does have to protect one's investment one knows

[General Woundwort]

Originally posted by Growltigger:
Growltigga checks out the freehold title to the new cantina site, and quickly gets a legal mortgage executed and registered over it.

One does have to protect one's investment one knows

[whew. The Boss approves the new site. One big hurdle cleared. Now for the next step...]

From the direction of the main space terminal, the drumming sound of marching feet can begin to be heard over the background noise of the construction of Starfury. From the haze and smoke, the figure of Woundwort appears, walking toward the future home of the Phong's Head. Materializing behind him, a small army of construction droids, carrying tools, boxes, and all manner of technological odds and ends. As they march by, an electronic humming can be heard.

"Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh."

As they approach the entrance to the Phong's Head, Woundwort punches some buttons on a clunky-looking wrist computer. The doors to the Phong's Head slide open, and the columns of droids march into the building, continuing to hum their tune.

"Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh. Oooh-eeee-oooh, e-oooooooooooooo-oh."

As the Last droids duck into the building, Woundwort follows them in. The doors slide shut.

From within the building, even over the background noise, a dull roar of construction sounds can be heard.

[ July 10, 2003, 13:25: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

*Raging Deadstar slowly saunters down the highstreet hunching his trenchcoat firmly to himself before noticing the large building. he walks over to the virtual screen and types in his details.*

"Position Desired: Security

Qualifications: A variety of Weapons, A years expirience in the Cantina lifestyle, a host of genetically modified bouncers (lean, sleek, attractive female ones too ) and 1 genetically modified battlesquid (thanks to dogscoff) If things get too rowdy Barry the T-rex can be drafted in for bar control, fees to be paid occordingly!

Contact: The dark gloomy corner in the Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller"

*With that entered he walks away down the street into the night, hoping to add his piece to cantina history...*



[ July 11, 2003, 22:28: Message edited by: Raging Deadstar ]

[General Woundwort]

Late at night, a dark and drizzly night straight from Blade Runner, Woundwort and the foreman construction droid stand outside the Phong's Head. The dull roar of metal saws, las-torches, and other machinery can be heard from within the Cantina even at that late hour. But at this time our two heroes are intently focused on two hoverdroids who are maneuvering a huge sign over the main entrance. They lower it into place, slowly, and then it is magnetically locked-in. Several smaller droids quickly work behind it to connect it to the building's main power grid. One of these droids gives a thumbs-up. Woundwort nods, then speaks into his wrist computer.

"Switch it on."



The foreman droid looks up at the sign. "It looks interesting, but if I may ask, why isn't it a hologram? And what is that tubing in the 'Phong's Head' lettering?"

"It's neon light bulbs."

"Neon?!?"

Woundwort smiles. "It's a continuity thing. You wouldn't understand."

A smaller droid, who up till now had been doing a datadump of the holoposters, floats up to Woundwort and prints out a message from its "mouth". Woundwort looks it over, then turns to the foreman droid.

"You're back in charge here again. I need to go back over to the Home Cantina for some business."

[ July 14, 2003, 01:25: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort trudges back towards the Phong's Head, watching as a convoy of supply trucks rumbles towards the rear cargo entrance. He notices a Toydarian hovering near the front entrance. He motions him around to the side alley.

"Hey, Woundawort, I'va gotz the droiza you asked... hey, you no looka so good. Whazzap?"

[pause] "...have you ever seen a Class II felinoid in a toga?"

"No, thata I hava to say I haven't. Dohnna want to either."

"You got that right. Did you say you have the battledroids?"

The Toydarian shows a nasty grin. "Thatza right. Good ones, too. What with the Star Wars franchise agoing to the pits, you'va got quite a bargain. Lotza the pinwheel combat droids, a-tweaked to youra specifications. We stilla gotta deal?"

Woundwort pauses, thinking of the implications of Deadstar's comments to the Boss...

Also i would hire my own staff (fully combat trained female bodyguards and bouncers)

"You're darn right we have a deal."

Woundwort reaches into one of his pockets, pulls out a checkbook, and draws up a check from the Traveller's Aid Society... from his own personal account...

[ July 14, 2003, 18:45: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!

Don't worry Boss this is coming out my pocket btw! I just expect a discount on any non alchoholic drinks we stock Sound fair?

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!

[General Woundwort]

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!

These... are for back-up. You've been around the Cantina awhile, right? You should know that things, well, have a tendency to get out of hand. The more firepower you have at your disposal, the better.

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!

These won't be posted at the front door, of course! They'll be kept out of sight, until their presence is... required.

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!

Well, this place used to be a Space Marine barracks, after all. I won't advertise the full panoply of defenses, not with any number of itchy ears listening in. But as long as you're here, come on inside and I'll give you the cook's tour...

[RD - check your private Messages.]

[General Woundwort]

Several droids have finished setting up a large circular metal projector in the sidewalk outside the Phong's Head. Soon afterward, a shimmering statue appears in the middle of the circle - a larger-than-life size hologram of a snazzily dressed, ferocious looking felinoid.

"That's that. Any word from Deadstar?"

"No sir. We know the courier bot got there and delivered the message, but we lost its transponder signal soon afterward."

Woundwort smiles. "I thought that might happen. I'm actually amazed it Lasted as long as it did. Well, I've done my bit."

The foreman droid looks up at Woundwort in confusion. "Normally you go on errands like that yourself... why waste a bot (even a cheap one like that) on such a triviality?"

[pause] "...because I hate the smell of fried calamari."

"Sir...?"

Another wry smile. "Forget about it."

[ July 15, 2003, 18:54: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Outside the front facade of the Phong's Head (currently being polished and burnished by a swarm of droids resembling mechanical Dow Scrubbing Bubbles), Woundwort is having a discussion with the Peter Lorre clone again. The discussion is rather spirited.

"What do you mean, Starfury won't be open for business for another eight to ten weeks!?!?!?"

"I'm most sorry, sir, but the operating authorities on Malfador III have decided to rework their economic and ship construction models. They assure me that this delay will drastically improve..."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. Meanwhile we'll be sitting here on our duffs with an empty Cantina. Bloody administrators!"

"Your patience is greatly appreciated, sir."

"It's not my patience you need to procure at this moment. My Boss is most displeased with this apparent blow to our profits. If... when he demands an accounting for this, I assure you it won't come out of my hide!"

Woundwort turns and stomps into the Phong's Head. The doors slide shut behind him.

The Lorre clone is left on a windblown empty street, looking with fearful apprehension at his UWW pad, currently featuring the fearsome portrait of Growltigger in its display.