[Growltigger]

Captain Slog stardate May 1 08.42 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, I was blissfully unaware of a foul and heinous attempt by forces unknown to take over the TSSS Phong's Head.

Luckily, my highly motivated and trained crew dealt with the hostile incursion superbly. The strange thing is that when I commed my head of security in cargo bay 4, all I got was a reptilian burping sound, followed by what sounded like hiccups and strange noises which I can only describe as beiing like the a large T-Rex using a phaser rifle to pick bits of meat and body armour out of his teeth. Note to self to ask number 1 what Barry has been up to.

We are now in orbit over Fart Point. What strange things will we see on the planet, who is this mystery foe who seems intent to harm the brave crew of the TSSS Phong's Head.....

End of log.

Captain to Mr Scoffo. Please stop canoodling with the counsellor and our communications officer. Please prepare an away team to beam down to Fart Point. Given the methane build-up, I suggest you take non-smokers only. Make it so.