Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog stardate May 1 08.42 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, I was blissfully unaware of a foul and heinous attempt by forces unknown to take over the TSSS Phong's Head.

Luckily, my highly motivated and trained crew dealt with the hostile incursion superbly. The strange thing is that when I commed my head of security in cargo bay 4, all I got was a reptilian burping sound, followed by what sounded like hiccups and strange noises which I can only describe as beiing like the a large T-Rex using a phaser rifle to pick bits of meat and body armour out of his teeth. Note to self to ask number 1 what Barry has been up to.

We are now in orbit over Fart Point. What strange things will we see on the planet, who is this mystery foe who seems intent to harm the brave crew of the TSSS Phong's Head.....

End of log.

Captain to Mr Scoffo. Please stop canoodling with the counsellor and our communications officer. Please prepare an away team to beam down to Fart Point. Given the methane build-up, I suggest you take non-smokers only. Make it so.

[Atrocities]

Captain Slog Supplemental stardate May 1 08.59 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, Myself and the ships new counsler, Troi, have blissfully matted. Her screams of pleasure went unheard by the bridge crew. End Log.

[dogscoff]

OK, I want the following people in the transporter room asap, equipped with weapons and gas masks:

Barry (for security)
half a dozen redshirts (security backup ie in case Barry gets hungry)
Erax (Engineers are always handy)
Taz (who better to solve a brewery-related mystery?)
Seven of Nine (Eye Candy)

[Erax]

Realizing that the ship still has more holes in it than the story he's going to tell his wife when he gets home, Erax picks up an anti-proton welder, loads some inner hull plating on an antigrav sled and starts wandering around, patching holes and talking to the ship.

"They hurt you, baby, but it's going to be all right, I'l fix ye right up..."

Intercom: "Engineer Erax, please report to the transporter room."

Erax: "Darn. Er, I mean, Aye, Aye, Mr. Scoffo. Computer, please switch off Holodeck Four. Liuetenant Kamog, quit yer fooling in there and take over patching the hull."

[ May 01, 2003, 10:45: Message edited by: Erax ]

[Growltigger]

Originally posted by Atrocities:
Myself and the ships new counsler, Troi, have blissfully matted

Oh no I haven't, I am saving myself for some Orion green-skinned dancing girl!! If it was good enough for Kirk, it is good enough for me!

Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat leaves his ready room and walks onto the bridge. He looks towards the viewscreen and is startled to see an armada of huge menacing space dreadnoughts heading toward the TSSS Phong's Head. Suddenly, actinic fire shoots towards the dreadnoughts, they fire back and the dauntless captain jumpsinto his chair and hits the red alert button.....

Mr Power Man, full shields and load all photon torpedo bays, charge the phaser banks and find out who the hell is shooting at those dreadnoughts......

A message flashes up onto the screen "Game over game over".

The bridge goes quiet, all that can he heard is the klaxon going "Awooga Awooga Awooga". As one, the bridge crew look toward Mr S'Katchoo, today arrayed in a fey crimpolene and winceyette uniform, who is clutching the controls to his playstation 2 and looking a bit embarassed.

Mr Power Man, please re-set your phaser to "extreme agony" and shoot that bloody vulcan (TM) numpty-head in the backside.....

The captain goes back to his ready room for a lie down and a rest

[ May 01, 2003, 15:23: Message edited by: growltigger ]

[Atrocities]

Oh no I haven't, I am saving myself for some Orion green-skinned dancing girl!! If it was good enough for Kirk, it is good enough for me!

This statement causes PCP much agony as he visualizes the Captain with a Green Orion slave wentch, yelling at her "Who's yo daddy, who's yo daddy." Atro shudders uncontrollably and considers using phaser to end life.

[Gryphin]

When they finaly beam down they will with incredible random accuracy arive right in front of me waving a towel.
Hey guys, can you give me a ride. can I join you? can I have a spify red shirt?