[Cipher7071]

Improvement noted. The first three paragraphs look pretty good. Then, as the action heats up, you run into a little trouble:

However, the Sovereign destroyed it, with a special weapon that tore right through the shields and hull of the unfortunate vessel, the Ram Phaser, which was a giant, and powerful, phaser that generated so much power, that it's attack potential was rated at 800, a truely devestating weapon, but can only be fired once every 3 minutes.

How about this instead:

However, the Sovereign destroyed it with a special weapon that tore right through the shields and hull of the unfortunate vessel. The a Ram Phaser, a giant and powerful weapon, generated so much power that it's attack potential was rated at 800. It was a truly devastating weapon, but could only be fired once every three minutes.

Smoother??

[ February 29, 2004, 14:18: Message edited by: Cipher7071 ]