dum-de-dum-dum-dum-dum dum-de-dum-dum-dum-dum (insert punchy news theme here).

Welcome to the Aran News Network tonight, as the cold war that's Lasted a decade turns hot, and fighting breaks out across the continent.

The main story tonight; the Vanheim Allfather dies in an abortive "decapitaion strike" on the Machaka capital. Eyewitnesses say he was Last seen crawling on the ground crying "my eye, where's my eye?" when he was killed by a longdead infantryman. A Vanheim spokesdwarf said, "oops".

In a major campaign, Arco forces threaten to surround the Pythium capital. "We cannot get out! We cannot get out! THey are coming..." said a slightly hysterical Pythium spokesnake.

In a shock development, C'tis' main fortifications turn out to be made of gingerbread. Standing within the wreckage of the gatehouse at C'tis, Njarl Njarlsensen - a Jotunheim Niefel Giant - said; "I just knocked on da door and it all fell down. Mmm, tasty!" In a rare personal interview, the C'tis Ghost-King said, "whooooooooooooooooo!" (Tune in at Eight tonight for a two-hour special on the role of gingerbread in military history)

Mictlan forces fight a delaying action against hordes of Machaka spiders. As Mictlan prepares for a long siege, a sacrificial spokesvictim said "arrrgh!"

As the joint forces of the Motherhood and Apple-pie Alliance struggle to hold off the advancing Evil Overlords, many are asking what Caelum is contributing to the effort. The Caelum spokesmammoth was unavailable for comment.

And finally, Pangaea reasserts its commitment to peace. Their spokeshippy said; "hey man, what if they held a war and nobody came? Everybody should, like, give up this terrible fighting and live in communion with nature. Yeah, baby!"

And that's the news tonight. Good night Aran.

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