Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)

[dogscoff]

I have spent the better part of the day writing and all that I have to show for it is a longer Chapter II of this story. I had hoped that there would have been more hits on this thread than the one that I did get.

Is this story that bad? Or is it like so many other, the victim of dis-interest?

Hey, you know I'm reading it. I didn't read it over the weekend because I wanted to save it for the loong, boring Monday morning at work. And it was worth it, too.

Good to see you re-writing it. The story was great anyway, but I know the feeling of "I wish I'd mentioned XXX 12 chapters ago" all too well. Hopefully the re-write will lead to a tighter story with better continuity.

And it will give me a chance to refresh my memory of events as well. Looking forward to your next post At.

[Atrocities]

I took the advise of many and hopefully it will pay off. The first chapter is about 10,500 words and the second is close to 9,000 words.

My biggest issue is with grammer. I tell you I wish I could aford to have a professional proof reader go through the finished story and help fix all my mistakes.

And thanks DS, I hope you enjoy the latest two chapters.

[Ruatha]

Post it here and we'll grammar check it.

[Raging Deadstar]

Hey Atrocities, I've been meaning to reread this story, I'm just curious if you started it again or something... It's a bit confusing. Is the first chapter still the first chapter?

Help out my poor confuzzled mind and I'll try and get through this collossal piece.

Edit: As for Grammar, I'm not the best at it but when you send me the revised chapters for SpaceEmpires.Net I can have a look through them for you and send back any bits that make no sense

Edit 2: Ahh, I missed that! It seems you Just Sent me the Revised Chapter

[Atrocities]

Actually, I have a new Version for you RD. I can email it to you later today. I should have Chapter 2 done later today.

Revision SENT

[Raging Deadstar]

Atrocities said:
Actually, I have a new Version for you RD. I can email it to you later today. I should have Chapter 2 done later today.

Revision SENT

I know, I just got it. I'll be out for the next 4 or 5 hours today, so Any more revisions won't get missed

Edit: And a Promotion for me [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon48.gif[/img]

[Atrocities]

Congradulations Lt Colonel RD.

[Ruatha]

Edit:
Went into the thread and found a new part I hadn't read, oh a new one I thought.
Read it and liked it.
"Part XI Origin", it was good!
Then I saw Mlmbd's reply and saw the dates....
The new forum kicks me back and forth in time!
Someday I wanna re-read it all again in the proper order, will wait til you're finished though.

[Atrocities]

Artist Rendition of the "Destruction of the Tempest"
“Birds away!’ Yell the pilot into his COM as he spiraled down and under the Tempest on his course away from the big ship. Seconds later the two missiles that he had fired impacted within the hanger of the ship detonating against the mid ship support sub structure and penetrating the aft ammunition magazine before exploding. The force of the explosion not only ripped the support beams that held the overhead Anti Gravity Pod causing it to collapse, but it also ignited the ammunition in the magazine. The resulting explosion generated enough force to blow the large ship in half. As the two flaming pieces of the Tempest fell from the sky, a series of secondary chain explosions began to occur thus sealing the fate of the ship and crew.

[Atrocities]

Has any one even read this story?