The Funniest Canadian Joke.

[The Canuck]

heres a quick joke i came up with i think

if George W. and Jean Chretien jumped off a cliff, who wins?

society

[couslee]

Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, or 12

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old
son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and
the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those
are called condoms, son....
Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively.
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of
3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys.
One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for
Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
"Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers,
"TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for
Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he
asks, picking
up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those
are for married men.
One for January, one for February, one for
March........" >>

[tesco samoa]

Kamog

You speak words of wisdom

[tbontob]

Couslee

Cute!

We married men are just not getting it!

In more ways than one!

[Gryphin]

When I first saw this I thought it was another Urban Legend. I have been unable to find any informaiton that contradicts this:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people
who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, she believes that homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura that was posted on the
Internet. It's funny as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord. (Lev.1:9.) The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness. (Lev.15:19-24.) The problem is, how do
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
(DOH! Pigskin is a figure of speech, they are actually made of cow
leather.)

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made
of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them, as commanded in
Leviticus 24:10-16? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

Jack

[Wardad]

Proper spelling of Canada: C eh, N eh, D eh

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On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

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You Know You're Canadian When:

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.

You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

You know what a toque is.

You've plugged a car in overnight.

You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

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http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWSCanadiana..._jokes-cp.html

[Wardad]

A guy is driving down a country road when he sees a sign, "Apples - $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples are so expensive.

The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly apples. Here, try one." The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the peanut butter but not the jelly."
The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a sweet jelly.

The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but they're $10.00 each."
The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow, these are great and I taste the ham, but not the cheese."
The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and a rich, creamy cheese fills his mouth.

The farmer says, "Now, if you really like those, I've got some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're woman apples."
The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says, "YUCK", these taste like crap!"

The farmer says, "Turn it around."