Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog AKA Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat AKA Growltigger sits in his command chair and makes a mental note to ask Engineer Erax to fit Commander Dogscoff with a remote controlled exploding collar...

Dogscoff, why are holding that apple clenched between your buttocks? judging from the way your eyebrow is raised, you are obviously enjoying it.. and have you spilled your cocoa? oh no, it a funny little fey goatee beard, you should get that shaved off, make it so

[Katchoo]

Can I be Mr S'Katchoo, the emotionally repressed Science Officer who goes to bed everynight with a picture of his Captain in his arms, weeping like a baby

(C'mon, everyone knows Spock had the hots for Kirk, don't you?)

[Growltigger]

Katchoo, whilst I fully understand why you naturally have the "hots" for such a red blooded damn fine looking muscular and heroic chap like myself (I even make statues sweat), I am afraid to inform you that I only bat from the proper wicket and if you think I am sharing my spaceship with a pointy eared repressed bi-sexual Canadian science officer, I am afraid we will have to play the old game of "stick the vulcan out of the airlock"

Actually, if you promise to only go to bed clutching and sobbing at a picture of my first officer, you have the job. I think you may be in there anyhow as the fellow seems to go round with an apple up his backside

[dogscoff]

Captain 'Tig, I have an idea for this Bar Trek thing: We divide the thread into episodes.

Each episode will Last for 100 Posts, and will have a name based on a crude mangling of a genuine Star Trek episode. In that time we have to have an adventure with some kind of plot to it. Along the way we'll kill a few red-shirts and generally do what we do best, but try to arrive at some kind of credible conclusion at the end of the 100 Posts.

Extra points if the story we come up with bears any resemblance at all to the real star trek (or bab5 or whatever) episode it is crudely named after.

If the Captain is in agreement we will continue recruiting until post number 100 in this thread, and then we can get on with (dramatic pause)

Bar Trek: The Pissed Generation
Episode 1: Encounter at Fart Point.

If all goes well then in a few thousand Posts we can all redesign our uniforms and make a hugely expensive and disappointing blockbuster film Version which completely screws up any semblance of continuity we used to posess

[Erax]

Originally posted by growltigger:
OK, you have got the job....

Wooohooo !! (tries to do a little dance, then remembers that Engineers Can't Dance). Chief Engineer Erax reporting for duty, Cap'n ! I'll be down in Engineering if ye need me.

Erax exits via the turbolift. A few minutes later his voice is heard on the intercom over the bar.

"Things are quiet down here. Taznan, send me a beer and a haggis sandwich".

[Katchoo]

Mr S'Katchoo enters the bridge wearing a crushed blue velvet tunic, black vinyl pants, and a pair of flip flops he purchased from a vendor on Deck 13. Overall the ensemble shows off his muscled physique quite smashingly.

The Vulcan (TM) Science Officer overlooks the Bridge with one eyebrow permenantly taped high on his forehead.

"Science Officer S'Katchoo reporting for duty, Captain."

[Power Man]

The screen is dark. The music starts out low. A dramatic Voice is heard.

Forums, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Star Ship Phong's Head.
Its mission, To seek out, and "Boff" the cutest babes in the universe.
To see and taste what is "Brewing out there ", while not crashing into too many things.
To Boldly "go" were no one (primitive) has "Gone" before. (But watch out for the Tigger Lilies)

The music Swells DO WEE DA DA OOK OOK OOK…..
The Mighty Phong's Head Swooshes past the camera. (Just missing it by the way)

And now a word from Our Sponsor …….

AH Shucks, all of the good parts have already been taken. I do not want to just a poor Red Shirt.

I want to be The Weapon's Officer. I can deal out the "PUNishment" to our foe's.
And besides "some people" around here think I may be too violent.