Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[geoschmo]

Tribbles have wings?

Chief Medical officers log: (hehe, he said log. shut up beevis)

My initial excitment at getting to uh, "examine" the FBW's turned to dismay when I heard what our mission was.

"What? Fartpoint? I am like 200 years old in this episode. Aw crud."

Not wanting to be relegated to shuffleboard and prune juice for the remainder of the mission I needed to go back in time. I talked Engineer Erax into bypassing the warp jeffries tube conduit into the tacheyon grid and building up a feedback loop....Aw who am I kidding. I slipped the script writer a hundred and had him rewrite my character as a healthy late twenty-something stud.

Now where did those FBW's get to....

[ April 30, 2003, 12:59: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

[Growltigger]

Captain Jon Luc Le Grand Chat stares out of the window in his private lounge, watching the starfield whizz past and thinking long and hard about how they are going to stop this ship.

Where is the damn first officer when you need him??

The debonaire captain coms Engineer Erax. "Erax, have you wired the sickbay to discharge tachyon particles into it?, Aye captain, I have", says the burly Scottish Brazilian engineer. "Yew can oot the neet whenever ye like captain, but you canna fire tachyon particles in the sickbay, cos that'll have the effect of boiling the testicles on anyone in there".

The captain checks his viewing screen and see that only Doctor Geo is in the sickbay, slugging Jack Daniels back as normal and dreaming of abusing hogs..

"Engineer Erax, one large tachyon burst in the sickbay if you please, make it so"

[Growltigger]

oops, double post but it is amusing to listen to the good doctor screaming in pain..

[ April 30, 2003, 13:28: Message edited by: growltigger ]

[geoschmo]

The sound of a muffled sizzling was quickly replaced by a shieking noise. Dr. Geo looked around for a moment trying to figure out what the noise was, only to realize it was coming from him. He doubled over in pain and dropped to the floor as the FBW's fled sickbay in horror.

The pain subsided quickly and Geo locked the door and crawled up on the nearest bed. As he rested another noise started. A hissing noise as if small ballons were inflating with air. After this came two quiet "pops" one right after the other, and Geo was good as new.

What, you thought heads were the only thing my race can regrow?

[ April 30, 2003, 13:43: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

[dogscoff]

In command of the bridge while the Captain carries out various "training excercises" in the ready room, the first officer is suddenly interrupted from his contemplation by his old flame, the as yet uncast counsellor Schmoi. She seems to be in some discomfort.

Schmoi: "My strange and mysterious half-alien sensitivity is picking something up. It's just too awful to describe."
Number 1: "What is it? Are you empathically feeling some kind of overwhelmingly deep grief from an unknown source? Or are you aware of the presence of some super-powerful, God-like intelligence studying us?"
Schmoi: "No, the planet we're flying towards stinks of sh!t."
Number 1: "Captain to the bridge. Erax, I need you to re-modulate the shields to screen out nasally offensive radiation. Can it be done?"

[ April 30, 2003, 14:40: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog Stardate half past three GMT

I am worried that the inactivity in the TSSS Phong's Head is making my crew even more lazy than usual. We need an alien infestation to liven them up before we reach Fart Point.

Even better, just beaming in Rags and Raging Deadstar for a quick phaser fight and kicking will do the trick....

Captain Slog to Mr S'Katchoo, switch sensors onto wide sweep to locate Rags or RD

[Power Man]

As the Mighty TSSS Phong's Head enters the Anus star system, Power Man activates the Aromatic Atom ANALyzer to scan and diagram the system. Using this AAA map he then plots a path to Fart Point.
With a series of deft button pushes and turns the Phong's Head makes it way into the system.
(OK everyone you know the drill. Lean Left, now Right, now Left.. NO Right.)

The ship skims past the Twin MOONS, navigates the thick ASSteroid belt and fully Penetrates the Anus star system. (Are we still rated PG 13 yet??)

The ship arrives at the Planet Anus IV. It appears to be a Class S (for Stinky) planet. Thick blue clouds of methane and other aromatic atoms cover the planet. Power Man adjusts the shields to "Lemon Fresh" to block the worst of the nasally offensive radiation.

"Standard orbit achieved Captain. We are directly over Fart Point Station.
I suggest we orbit in a "nose high" attitude to avoid the worst of the smell.