Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Kamog]

Originally posted by Erax:
Computer, please switch off Holodeck Four. Liuetenant Kamog, quit yer fooling in there and take over patching the hull."

Yes, Sir!

Kamog goes to the duplicator and produces several rolls of Duct Tape. OK, now. I'll get that hull fixed up in no time.

[Gwaihir]

[OO(NE)C] (out of (non-existant) character)
Duct tape RULES THE WORLD!!!

In response to "love holds the world together," my younger sister once replied, "no, it doesn't - duct tape holds the world together!"
-I have trained her well . . .

-- An appreciative lurker. (BTW, any of you hang out at the Ambrosia forums? (EV:Nova is being ported to PC! YAY!) They have some great cantina-esque threads - - Leviathan Cruise Lines http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/F...L/008044.html# (now over) and Bright Star Station http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/F...L/009764.html# (new)

[/OO(NE)C]

[Growltigger]

Captain to ship's compter, Mabel, please locate Mr Power Man, he is in holodeck 4 with Mr S'Katchoo? good, please send 10,000 volts through holodeck 4 and then tranpost them both back to their stations on the bridge.

We shall have some discipline on this ship. Computer, sound yellow alert. I want this ship ready for anything in case the away team meets trouble on Fart Point.

Gwaihir, no lurking in this thread whilst the TSSS Phong's Head is on Yellow Alert, unless you fancy donning a red vest and joining the away team on the planet as an expendable, I mean, useful member of the security detail.

Arm phaser banks Mr Power Man, Mr S'Katchoo, please ensure that our anti-sniff field is at full strength, Commander Kamog, please ensure that the warp engines are on line and ready to go at a moments notice.

I have a bad feeling about this. We shall have to wait for Commander Dogscoff to report....

The Captain sits in his command chair, staring at Patsy the PVC Communication officer and waiting for a report from Commander Dogscoff.....

[Katchoo]

Mr S'Katchoo unfolds his chair and takes his seat at the Science Station.

Anti-sniff field? Mr S'Katchoo doesn't see any such device on the board. The Captain's been sleeping in the Warp Exhaust Chamber (re: Bathroom) again, muses S'Katchoo.

Mr S'Katchoo is the creative sort though, so he replicates several hundred clothespins. With pins in hand, Mr S'Katchoo visits every member of the Ship and clips the pins on everyones noses.

Lastly, Mr S'Katchoo visits Barry in Cargo Bay 4. After a Velveeta Mind-Melt, Mr S'Katchoo clips a giant novelty pLastic clothespin, which he obtained in the Dollar Store on Deck 16, onto Barry's giant schnozz.

One quick trip in the turbolift later and Mr S'Katchoo is back on the Bridge.

"The Anti-Sniff Field is up, Captain."

[Power Man]

A slightly scorched Power Man takes his position at the helm. He hopes he can get back to game some time soon. He and Mr S'Katchoo were having a “Fascinating” time practicing ship combat manuvers.

He sets the shields to “Tough and Super Absorbent” so they can stand up to any thing and soak up the damage. The “Steely Eye” sensors are staring all around for any cloaked ships. Power Man puts the ship into D1 for Defense mode one.
He tests the phasers by neatly cutting some nearby Asteroids in half (turning them into Hemi-roids).

“Helm and weapons at Yellow Alert. Phasers armed and ready Keptan, I mean Captain. “ Sorry it must be the clothespin on my nose.

Don’t worry about sending the away team out through the shields Captain. I happen to know that this ship’s transporter system is equipped with a Penetrating Energy Emitter from the Cat-heter company . The Penetrating Energy Emitter is a long tube that extends from the ship and penetrates the shield trough a small slit. It serves to guide the transporter beam (yellow in color) through the shields and can be aimed to hit any spot we want.

Commander Dogscoff U R Not going to like this but don’t you think the best way for “Number 1” to travel is through the PEE tube?

[Raging Deadstar]

*Silently 5 spherical droids float through space from the surface of Anus IV. They slowly head towards the TSSS Phongs head. They quickly pass through the fluctuations in the shield and slowly begin monitoring the movements of the ship. After the boarding attempt failed the Deadstar Continuum decide they must observe and learn more about these intruders and keep them away from fart point*

Available Information.....
The TSSS Phongs Head is a cantina class starship. Equipped with specialist shields and Photon torpedoes. Information on the crew is limited, although all attempts to hail the ship have been met with a pvc synthetic lifeform commanly referred to by humans as "a blow up doll!" Our informants have informed us that the captain is from the homo labido offscalus felinis species and has a penchant for good attractive women, this may be used to our advnatage.

*One of the droids manages to slip quickly through one of the holes that kamog hasn't taped up with impenetrable duct tape and quickly activates it's hologram projector to blend in as a red shirt ensign. It's mission: to observe the crew and gather information on the Phongs Head. To blend in effectively he hobbles around after a self inflicted phaser bLast to the foot!*

[Gryphin]

Power Man,
Are those PEE tubes completely tested? I understood that they frequently will spray the transported off to the left or right or sometimes even dribble them out.