Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Raging Deadstar]

*Silently 5 spherical droids float through space from the surface of Anus IV. They slowly head towards the TSSS Phongs head. They quickly pass through the fluctuations in the shield and slowly begin monitoring the movements of the ship. After the boarding attempt failed the Deadstar Continuum decide they must observe and learn more about these intruders and keep them away from fart point*

Available Information.....
The TSSS Phongs Head is a cantina class starship. Equipped with specialist shields and Photon torpedoes. Information on the crew is limited, although all attempts to hail the ship have been met with a pvc synthetic lifeform commanly referred to by humans as "a blow up doll!" Our informants have informed us that the captain is from the homo labido offscalus felinis species and has a penchant for good attractive women, this may be used to our advnatage.

*One of the droids manages to slip quickly through one of the holes that kamog hasn't taped up with impenetrable duct tape and quickly activates it's hologram projector to blend in as a red shirt ensign. It's mission: to observe the crew and gather information on the Phongs Head. To blend in effectively he hobbles around after a self inflicted phaser bLast to the foot!*

[Gryphin]

Power Man,
Are those PEE tubes completely tested? I understood that they frequently will spray the transported off to the left or right or sometimes even dribble them out.

[Kamog]

After completing level 3 diagnostics on the warp engines, Kamog goes back to patching holes in the hull. He bumps into the red-shirt ensign limping around with a severely burned foot.

"Ensign, take this roll of inpenetrable duct tape and climb up this Jeffries Tube. There's a damaged power conduit up on level 17. Go patch it up. ...wait, what happened to your foot? And why don't you have a clothespin on your nose? Hmm, I don't have an extra clothespin but I have these Vice Grip pliers you can use. Go report to Dr. Geo in MedLab - uh, I mean Sickbay - and get him to look at your foot."

[Katchoo]

Mr S'Katchoo looks up from his Science Station and address' the Captain before he leaves for the Planet surface.

Mr S'Katchoo: "Captain i've completed my survey of the Planet's atmosphere. I'm detecting glucose-frucose, water, tomato paste, molasses, vinegar, salt, modified corn starch, natural hickory smoke flavour, onion powder, ground mustard, dried garlic, spices, and seasonings."

Captain: "Mr S'Katchoo, those are the ingredients from the bottle of Barbecue Sauce on your Station!"

Mr S'Katchoo: "Indeed? Perhaps we should harvest the Planet Atmosphere and sell it."

The Captain puts his head in his hands. Mr S'Katchoo though unwinds the bottle of Barbecue sauce and applies it the the hamburgers cooking at the built in Barbecue Console.

Mr S'Katchoo: *sniff*sniff* "Ahhhh... Lunch anyone?"

*sizzle*sizzle*sizzle*

[Gwaihir]

**Having almost missed their cue because of the clever disguise in an ingredients list, a mass of Onions materializes over S'Katchoo's head and tumbles down into a neat little conical pile, burying him completely. Fortunately for everyone on the bridge, the clothespins prevent the stench from being too overwhelming, but Unfortunately (or fortunately . . . you cruel people! ) S'Katchoo's clothespin is knocked off by the vegetable deluge.**

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz, always on the lookout for new security devices, adds the following sign to all doorways throughout the ship:

,-----------,
| TO ENTER |
| HERE SAY |
| "ONIONS" |
'-----------'

That should take care of those pesky intruders!

[ May 05, 2003, 04:03: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

[Gwaihir]

[OOC]

Ok, this is a pertinent question, even though it is OOC. And no, i'm not lurking, i'm checking for purposes of joining.

Just to confirm, although we are using TNG episodes, we are using original series characters, and original series color scheme, right?

[/OOC]

A crewmember walks into the bridge, pulling off his shirt as he does so, covering his eyes. He finishes removing his shirt and stops with his hand halfway to Powerman's backside.

"Uh, hey, you're not the shower knob! And, er, this isn't the shower!"

Everyone on the bridge stares at the crewmember, standing there holding his (no its not red, its blue!) shirt in his hand. They notice that the clothespin came off of his nose when he was removing the shirt, and wonder how long it will take for him to notice the smell.

"Uh, sorry guys, I thought this was . . . wait, whats that pile over there? It's rustling! is someone under there?? An what's that puddle leaking from under it? I wish i had my tricorder, but its still on my workbench . . . oh wait, lets see, those must by those vegetables from Earth, er, what is the species, uh - - oh, right . . . Allium cepa! (Well, so he got lucky, don't worry, he'll fall for it later!) I guess that puddle must be tears from that incredible sten . . . wait, where's my Anti-Sniff device ?"

He puts his hand to his nose, his eyes go wide with shock, then, true to cartoon chemistry, the effect of the smell occurs, and he's out like a light, stiff as a board, and he's made like a ship and keeled over (we mustn't let Powerman have a monopoly! ).

As he lies there, it is noticed that he has pointy ears. People on science crew might recognize him as Lt. Gwai, a science officer, who tends to be very curious, plays with gadgets waaaaay too much, and has overclocked his tricorder (among other projects he is rumored to have).

* now, could someone please cart me off to sickbay? I have an intense case of Super-Allium poisoning from those darn On . . . allium cepae!!*

[ May 05, 2003, 04:35: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]