Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Power Man]

Power Man continues to “Trek” through the halls of Fart Point. As he turns a corner a Old Fart worker (who looks like an old movie star.. Charly or Charleton something) crashes into him. The poor fellow is clearly upset. He shouts:
I just found out something Just Nasty!!
“Sol-Ent” Green ale … IT’s Made From People.. PEOPLE !!
The poor sodden Sot runs off down the corridor. He clearly has gone “rownd the Bend!”

Power Man suddenly remembers he “borrowed” Gwaihir‘s tricorder. “I can use that to find a way out of here. “
He turns it on and begins to scan the area.
“WHAT ?? This thing is telling me there is a “+30 Goblin warrior” just down to hall. It is also showing me that there is chest with a +12 “helm of protection” behind me.

Wait... This thing is stuck in “Game Mode” It looks like I am in the middle of the game “NeverWinter Nights”.

Power Man fiddles with the controls trying to turn off the game. Finally he simply drop-kicks the tricorder across the floor. This causes the device to be “Re-Booted”. After a short time for memory checks, hardware checks, device driver loading and Finally a musical “Bling Bong Blong” the screen displays a list of program icons to chose from.
The list includes Games, Phaser, Scanner, Shocker, Still More Games. (I’ll have to get Gwaihir to load some of these on My system).

PM selects Scanner and starts Really scanning the area.

Power Man is filled with “Raging Dread” at what he sees. There is Much More to the Fart Point station than appears on the surface.

Power Man pulls out his communicator:

Power Man to Taz, I am glad to hear that you have woke up (recovered) . I have been looking around this place. There is something “Big a Foot” going on around here. Be on the lookout for Anything!!

Power Man to The Great, All Powerful, Yada Yada Yada, Captain Growltigga (Ya I am still “Sucking up”) : I have cleverly discovered (got lost in) a Vast underground area of Fart Point. I have discovered a vast amount of Organic Tech and other items.
There Must be “Other Forces” at work here. Captain there is no way those Old Farts could have made this place.
I urge you to calm down and reconsider any “Rash” Actions against Anus IV.
Why don’t you order up some of that “Milk, Guernsey White, Warm” you like so much, and take a “Chill Pill” to cool off your Fiery Furry temper.
The whole Federation and all Tigga Kind may be “Judged” by what you do next.

Power Man traces out a “root” that will lead him out of the Bowels of Fart Point.
“Lets see now I go Left, then Right, then Left again.. Boy this is just like driving the ship. I should be back with the Team in one or two Posts!!”

(There, that should be enough “Plot Points” for now.)

Keep on Trekking…

[Taz-in-Space]

The humble old gentleman presses a switch on his console which in turn lets loose the unestimatable power of the bartookis beam, which snatchs the bar and ales from the landing party and returns it to within the confines of the immense fortrress.

Taz watches as the Bar and Booze are both beamed somewhere...but obviously not by the TSSS Phong's Head!

"Uhhh, never mind Captain about the beam-out. I'll stay here and check out a few things."

suddenly, a hoard of drunken rats attacks the doors of the recovery room.

As Taz was about to wake the remainder of the landing party, he hears the rats begin their assault on the room's door.

"Hmmm, I believe I hear Tribble Wings 'on the hoof'!" he mutters to himself

Taz sets his 'Mask' pistol to Allegiance SubVersion. (How else did you think he got the makings of tribble wings in the OLD Cantina?)

With a WHOOSH, Taz opens the door wide and shoots the rats. Even an unusually large skinny one at the rear of the pack. (He also just missed what appeared to be a fat big-headed one who runs off.)

Power Man to Taz, I am glad to hear that you have woke up (recovered) . I have been looking around this place. There is something “Big a Foot” going on around here. Be on the lookout for Anything!!

Taz doesn't understand why anyone would want to meet Big Foot. However he acknowledges the message anyway.

Taz tells all the rats, except the large skinny one, to sleep it off in the room.
He then tells the big skinny one to lead him to wherever the bar has gone.

[mac5732]

LH#10 sitting at her spy beam station, keeps an eye on the landing party from the surrounded ship above, she notices the funny looking whirlwind following a skinny rodent towards the fortress. She presses the hot switch which puts her into instant contact with 'The Wise One'. She explains what is going on. The Wise One in turn calls LH#1 who is in charge of security. LH#1, notify our mobile assault team, Have them go out and retreave the whirlwind. LH#1, activates internal security and 25 armored and fleet of foot Britney Spears and Shania Twain Clones immediatly set out to capture and bring to bay the oncoming furball.

She also put on notice the Lopez and Kyle Armored assault Clones for possible ship board assault in case the master decides to board the ship.

Meanwhile over in the fortress cantina, the overhead speakers were picking up some sort of ritualistic singing coming from inside the ship, something about "Does you chewing gum lose its flavor over nite", all the clones looked at each other but then started to sing along to the catchy tune.... What next will those despotic demons above come up with to ruin our poor Fart planet. Now they are sending out their ritualistic music...

[Gwaihir]

More thoughts drift through Gwaihir's fevered brain . . .

"That tricorder, that one had . . . it had . . . the program for the Phaser attachment . . . the old Version . . . oh no, i meant to delete that! . . . without the phaser piece, the one thats on my workbench in my room . . . it gives a loud "phaser unit not attached" error message . . . and about half the time it falls into an infinite loop saying that until you rip out the power cell . . . I sure hope no one tries to use it, especially if they are trying to be stealthy! . . . "

::Sorry for the confusion, Powerman, I have a couple (read: way too many) 'corders (I collect and repair/cannibalize busted equipment) . . . the phaser stuff is on board. Still, have fun! ::

[narf poit chez BOOM]

[hoard of rats. still a lot here and there. and they like badly done singing. some of them are starting to improvise on the 'singing' their hearing.]

in an abondoned warehouse, 10 rats are singing 'juicy fruit, in a yellow subemarine'...badly.

[Raging Deadstar]

The Scene: The Grand dark halls of the Palace of Deadstar!

*The grand opaque black metal carvings and walls streach up into the void of darkness above him. Purple strip lights light little areas of these walls and grand carvings excavate into the floor. Hidden by a black robe sits the leader of the Deadstar Continuum, The godess. Her bright red hair gently falls from beneath the hood which hides her beautiful features. Her fishnet clad crossed legs poke from underneath the robe. A servent walks in, a clone of the Ex Kittie Bassist Talena Atfield and serves her a drink. Senator Deadstar nervously stands before her as she sips the beverage and relaxes into her throne.
"So what is the Status of the Continuum?" She asks, her voice sending a shiver up Raging Deadstars spine.
"My godess, We have encountered a New Race, apparently called the Galactic Federation. The only contact with these comes through a narcistic, trigger happy Captain called Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, our probe droid is currently on board and has reported he has a weakness for dancing sheep. We have allied ourselves with the true power of Fart Point, a wise man called Mac. With your approval the destruction of the TSSS Phongs Head is immenent!" The Goddess smiled underneath her hood, her manipulative mind quickly formutlating a plan.
"No, i suggest we monitor these beings a while longer, but they must not discover our Niridum Radioactive Extractors and the Brewery, they are vital to the next few stages of our expansion! No i suggest you keep a cloaked fleet of 3 Anathema's ready to intercept and destroy the ship but firstly capture and interrorgate a crew member, we need to learn more about this enemy!" Senator Deadstar nods and turns to leave the room knowing what rewards laid in wait of him if he were to suceed. He quickly orders the droid to capture one of the crew on board...*]

*On Board the Phongs Head the Probe droid is still under the hologram disguise of the ensign, he is currently sharing the lift with a science officer known as S'Katchoo. The hologram pushes the stop button and the lift shudders. The vulcan complains but the hologram disappears and the probe droid activates it's sonic disrupter by playing N*sync (or N*Suck) at high level volume. The Vulcan S'Katchoo falls to his knees and is administered a drug and the droid begins the process of interrorgating the crippled vulcan. It activates it's Electric Taser, it's chemical poisoning device and it's large trout and begins salpping the vulcan across the cheeks constantly*

"Firstly my Vulcan Friend, what are you doing at Fart Point?... And why is your eyebrow taped up?"

[Katchoo]

Science Officer S'Katchoo's head recoils from left to right as he continously gets slapped in the face with the trout.

*slap*slap*slap*

Droid: "What are you doing at Fart Point?"

*slap*slap*slap*

Mr. S'Katchoo: ".. must .. hold out ..."

*slap*slap*slap*

Mr. S'Katchoo: ".. fish .... tenderising face .."

*slap*slap*slap*

Mr. S'Katchoo: "... loosing self ... control .... getting .. aroused ....."

*slap*slap*slap*

An odd smile comes over Mr. S'Katchoo's face as his willpower (and panties) break.

Mr. S'Katchoo: ".. must seek .......... ale ... go bodly ........ cantina ......... before ...... shama-lama-ding-dong ..."

*slap*slap*slap*

Mr S'Katchoo: ".. slap it .... like you want it .... heeeeeeeeere fishy fishy fishy ..."

*slap*slap*slap*